Second Chance
by Renegade Ace
Summary: UPDATED! Ch. 18 What happens after Spike walked away?Willow finds a cure for her broken heart where she least expects it, how will the others react and is she just hurting herself more? Season 4 post doomed SW, AX, BR
1. Part 1 here it beginnith

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave).  
  
Second Chance  
  
It had been the only way to shut him up; bitching and nagging non-stop until they finally consented, he not even wanting to wait long enough for Buffy to join them, the three humans headed out with the bleached blond vampire into the night, all with better things to do but knowing that nothing was about to happen until they were able to keep Spike quiet.  
  
Xander, wishing that looks really did kill and that Spike's head would slowly blow up, finding a minuet solace in that secretly the chip in the Vamp's head might be doing it for him, fell into step with Willow. "Remember our deal Wills, we go out with Mr. No-Longer-Bitey and you take him off my hands for a while," he lowered his voice slightly, "Anya's getting a little upset."  
  
Anya rolled her eyes. "I need my orgasms Xander," the ex-demon said harshly from behind the life-long friends, not wanting to be out there more than anyone else, "If Willow was getting orgasms she wouldn't want to be here either."  
  
Willow sighed. The count was now 28. That was how many times she had said the word orgasm in the last two hours. They had only come upon two creatures of the night in that time and neither of them were any real threat; both were too scared of Spike to even hit back. She stopped, facing the couple with a soft smile. "Why don't you two just head home? I'll stay here with Bitey." She finished with a nod towards where Spike was standing, not far off, impatiently tapping his feet.  
  
Xander's face lit up. "Really?" His expression grew serious again as he considered the situation. "Are you sure?" His gaze filtered between Anya, as anxious for her orgasms as he was, and Spike, both of his heads at war with each other.  
  
She nodded, resolve face firmly in place. "Go ahead, it's not like he can hurt me anyways."  
  
"Hey!!" Spike spat out, pausing in lighting his cigarette. "Play nice." He pointed at her, unlit cigarette between his fingers. "Or I might just start singing." He winked with a smile.  
  
She spared him only a glance as she again focused on her best friend. She knew that his relationship with Anya had been strained as of late, since Spike came to live in the stank filled basement not even fit for one. And Xander deserved happiness with someone, even if she could not find happiness for herself. Pain leapt in her chest at the memory of what she lost; she swallowed, looking away, knowing that they didn't want to know of her pain. "We'll do a final sweep of the cemetery then head in. I'll bring him back before sunrise."  
  
Anya engulfed Willow in a hug before joining Xander in running away. Willow sighed again, sadness etched in the every contour of her lonely face, as she watched them leave; jumping slightly when she turned around, almost running face first into Spike. He looked down at her as though she were five and had chocolate over her face, one eyebrow cocked, reminding her of the way he looked at her that night in her dorm, when she told him that she wasn't pretty enough to bite.  
  
She looked down to his hands, to the cigarette that was shifting idly between his fingers, black nail polish chipped, and she tried to steady her mind by wondering why he painted them and where he got the polish. It didn't work and her words came out unsteady and nervous. "What?"  
  
He hid a laugh as he inhaled, nodding in the direction of the retreating couple. "Them." He said simply drawing her eyes back to his face. "Doesn't it make you want to kill them? Being all lovey-dovey?"  
  
She couldn't help but smile. "Lovey-dovey?" It sounded strange coming from a man who considered himself the biggest bad around.  
  
He ignored her comment as he slowly started walking again, grateful for a moment's silence, an instant away from the mortal youth who pissed him off to the point that he was willing to stake himself. Pissing them off in turn hadn't been enough to satisfy him, to keep him sane. If it hadn't been for Willow, he would be a pile of dust in a vacuum right now, a memory of a nightmare long ago outgrown, like a bad television show long since cancelled. In the depths of himself he was grateful, but right then, it was more important to him to play. "Miss the sex though."  
  
Her eyes shot to him. He had been silent for almost a minute, his face expressionless and almost innocent and she had thought that he had settled for quiet reflection. "What?"  
  
"Relationships, I miss the sex," he answered with no hint of hesitation or shyness. She shook her head meekly; amazed that someone could be so sure of themselves. She could never be like that, Oz tried to pretend he was, but she had known that he was even more scared than she was. She swallowed hard, mentally scolding herself for mentioning Oz, feelings wanting to be remembered, needs longing to be fulfilled willing themselves to the forefront of her mind, causing her to stare even more at Spike, understanding his words more than anyone else could ever know.  
  
He continued on, only faintly aware of the change in Willow's heartbeat and breath. "Dru was wild, always different. Harm," his forehead scrunched in disgust as he threw his cigarette away, "well, lets not think about Harmony. But, she did in a pinch. Sometimes that's all you need, you know?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah," she smiled again, sadness coming off of her in a wave. "Sort of like a rebound?"  
  
He snapped his fingers, "That's it! Harmony was just a rebound, a way for me to get over my dark princess."  
  
"Did it work?"  
  
"Well... I don't think about her every hour: it's a start."  
  
She sighed. "It never finishes though." She smiled at the questions in his gaze. "Every day you see memories of what you shared together, and everyday your heart breaks more and more until it's nothing but a pile of rotten, smelling, mouldy ash." She started to cry, knowing that no one else in the world would be willing to watch her, settling for the man who had once cried to her, hoping that he would return the favour, but knowing deep down that he never could. "And you try to fix it, sure, but it breaks again before you can even recall who you were before the pain." Her knees buckled from the pain that drowned her, landing softly on the grass of the cemetery, not caring any more about anything. It was all too much.  
  
He watched her closely as she cried, letting her heart to break more, looking on as it began to heal. He would watch over her tonight, he had owed her that much, after everything that he had done to her and in return everything that she had done for him. He knew her pain, not long ago it had been the same as his, and... better hidden, it still was. He still loved Drusila more than his own life, and every day he woke wondering where she was, whom she was with and every night he went to sleep wishing that he didn't allow her to have such a hold upon him.  
  
So tonight, he would be the strength that no one would offer her when she had none of her own; he would stand guard over her aching form—making sure that no one would dare hurt her—not even herself. 


	2. Part 2 ummm ssppppiiiiikkkkkkeeeee

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 2  
  
Aching silence had mingled among her pain until it was everything she knew, sitting crookedly on her knees, slouched over on grass grown softly on the decaying bodies below, more at peace and more useful than she could ever hope to be. She had stayed that way until her legs turned numb, even longer. She was willing to die there, willing to fall victim to anyone willing to take away her pain. She wondered just how long that would take when she felt cool hands belonging to the shadow above her, forgotten in her pain, as they clasped her shoulders firmly, pulling her straight as he squatted to her level.  
  
Moving hair from her eyes Spike looked at the broken woman that he had come to understand as her cascade of tears spoke her sorrow to him, sighing as green on red reminded him of pain that he knew all too well as his own. Looking down, he helped her to her feet, saying nothing as she leaned against him, the tingling in her legs and the ache in her heart making her too weak to stand on her own. "Come on luv, its too dangerous for you to stay out here all night."  
  
Placid and complying, all her energy focused on keeping her breaths coming one after the next, she allowed him to lead her out of the cemetery that knew most of her nights, many of her secrets and all of her pains. "Where are we going?"  
  
Confused by his caring, damning the mortal version of himself that was concerned about her dying eyes and expressionless face, he continued to lead her down the street. "To the dorm luv. You need a good night's rest."  
  
Suddenly she stopped, freeing herself from Spike's loose grip. "No." She looked around like a lost girl searching for home, trying to find some reminiscence of herself to latch onto. "Sleep isn't good. Its bad, memories, they haunt me there, they hurt me." A new wave of tears slid down her face. "Oz loved me there, he left me there to feel barren of his love. How can I go back there? How can I live alone?"  
  
Patience running thin, not wanting the slayer to catch him with the witch while she was in that state, he gripped her face between his hands, wiping tears away with his thumbs as quickly as they were being made. "We all do luv, it's the way it is."  
  
"No it isn't Spike, you know that. We're capable of loving with everything we have, we are suppose to do that, we are suppose to be loved back with everything they have." Sobs choked her speech, "Why don't they love us?"  
  
Not knowing how to answer the question that could have been his own he pulled her tightly to him, afraid that if he let her go, he'd be lost forever. "I don't know luv. This world's just not right. If it were, there'd be no slayers." He sighed in relief as she gave a pained chuckle and punched him weakly, pulling from his grasp. Smiling, he again wiped her cheeks dry. "Where do you want to go?"  
  
"Home, my parent's place."  
  
He nodded, willing in that moment to go to hell's gates as long as she would be safe from those outside, safe from the ghosts that haunted them all. "Lead the way pet."  
  
~*~*~*~  
The house was dark and uninviting as they walked onto the front porch; Willow reaching up behind one of the porch lights for the spare key as Spike gazed around nonchalantly. Willow hadn't said anything on the way home, not that he really minded, there was times when silence suited him, then, when his own pain was in need of attention was one of them.  
  
"Well Red, your folks really know how to roll out the welcome mat now don't they?"  
  
She glared at him, no longer in the mood to do anything but sleep, as she opened the door and again worked the lock until it freed the long unloved key. "They're in Paris, or is it London? I don't know where, just not here." Shrugging she turned the light on in the foyer, looking over her shoulder at the Vampire who didn't know what to do next. "Come in," she said mixed in within a yawn.  
  
Stepping in and shutting the door, he gazed around not really caring what the place looked like, and followed his charge into the kitchen. "What're you doing Red?" He asked as a sigh, watching as she moved about putting a kettle on the stove.  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm making tea."  
  
He stifled a laugh as he took off his duster and threw it over the island in the middle of the room. "You've been around the watcher too long ducks. Try some liquor, it helps more than the British stand by."  
  
She looked down, shifting her feet idly. "Tried that, didn't really work. It started the whole "My Will" fiasco."  
  
He nodded, shuddering at the memory of having Buffy's lips and body so near his own... parts. "Ah yes, and we wouldn't want another one of those."  
  
She winced, having not really thought of what mental angst it may have caused him, at the time, not really knowing enough to care. "I am sorry about that Spike."  
  
He smiled at her, surprised and moved at her concern over his feelings. "It's okay luv. I did get a cookie out of it."  
  
She laughed. For the first time in longer than she could remember she laughed. And, through the echoing halls of her shattered soul, it felt good. "Thank you."  
  
Winking, a smile of his own resting naturally on his face, he sat on a stool across from her. "Think nothing of it. The cookie was good."  
  
Her smile fell as she again looked to the stove. "I meant for tonight. No one else understands. They all had their hearts smashed and stomped on and cried until they healed... but none of them are willing to let me the same courtesy." Groaning in frustration she walked over to the freezer and pulled out a tube of ice cream and, grabbing two spoons, she sat beside Spike.  
  
Shrugging, picking up one spoon as she opened the ice cream, neither caring as to the flavour, he indulged in their silent understanding. "They're too happy now to think of their pain, too happy to want to be pulled down by yours." He pulled the spoon from his mouth, waiting until it melted into cool pleasure and comfort before getting another.  
  
Swallowing, the pain in her eyes going down, she looked at the Vampire next to her, gesturing with her spoon as she spoke. "But that's not fair."  
  
"Like I told you before, life ain't either. It stinks and hurts and kicks you when you're down. But it does have its good points?"  
  
"Like?"  
  
"Blood."  
  
She laughed, looking down. "Ice cream."  
  
Nodding, he shared her eager grin. "Soaps."  
  
"Music."  
  
"Killing." He sounded almost wistful, making her ponder passions of her own.  
  
"Hugs." Her smile fell to a grin, as she recalled what she was no longer getting  
  
"Torture." He looked down, thinking about everything he could once do to people, the pain he could inflict on them, to now, only have that pain inflicted back upon himself when he tried.  
  
"Kisses."  
  
He inhaled deeply, smelling her pain mixed with the chocolate of the ice cream and the scent of his own demise. It smelled sweeter than anything he could recall in a long time... since Dru. "Sex."  
  
Her breath caught in her throat as she looked up to meet his hungry gaze, one mirrored by her own needs. In his look he offered her everything she longed to feel, comfort, safety, freedom from the loneliness that ate her alive. It would be so easy to rid herself of such things, to just lean over and allow her weaknesses to claim her and just will her hurt away. He understood her, he felt the same way, he needed the same thing. They both needed to be free. It would be so easy—so easy to just let go... and free themselves together... 


	3. Part the third

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 3  
  
Silence hung heavily between them, each waiting for something unknown to happen. Willow was about to speak when the ringing phone caught her off guard and she jumped slightly, her heart racing and a blush, caused by the act as well as the thoughts that had only moments before been swarming in her head, crept over her face. Looking away she hurriedly went over to where it hung, next to the fridge.  
  
Clearing her throat, willing her voice steady, she inhaled deeply, wishing that Spike would stop looking at her so intently. "Hello? Rosenberg residence."  
  
"Wills?" A worried voice met her, "Thank God you're there."  
  
Willow's brow furrowed in confusion. "Buffy? What are you doing?"  
  
"Me? What about you? Where have you been? Where's Spike? What did he do?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
Buffy paused, and Willow was sure the blonde had a confused look on her face, one that could have matched the witches own. "Are you okay?"  
  
The concern in Buffy's voice caused Willow to laugh. "Yeah, but are you sure you are?"  
  
"Willow, its almost dawn. You were suppose to bring Spike back hours ago. Xander's going insane with worry."  
  
Willow spun quickly, seeking out the clock that hung over the stove, and sure enough, it was almost five. She had spent the entire night crying and talking with Spike. No wonder she felt so tired. "Shit."  
  
"Will? What happened, and why are you at your parent's place?"  
  
She looked away. "It's a long story. I'll bring Spike back to Gile's now. Don't worry." She hung up before the slayer could say any more. She frowned when she saw Spike's knowing grin. "You knew it was almost dawn didn't you?"  
  
Shrugging, he stood up. "Vampire senses luv, I always know."  
  
Placing her hands on her hips, feeling guilty with making Buffy worry and about what she had thought in her grief to do, she allowed her 'resolve face' to cement itself in place. "You should have told me."  
  
He scoffed, even as he put his duster back on. "Yeah right luv, tell you its dawn so you can take me back to that dank smelly pit with the moron and his little whore talking about orgasms while I'm tied to a chair not even capable to go out and get orgasms of my own."  
  
Her eyebrow raised slightly, a confused expression on her face. "Why do bring up sex all the time?"  
  
"I can't kill luv," he smiled ruefully, "I have to do something fun with my time." He took a step towards her, like a cat ready to pounce upon his prey. "Besides, it takes away the pain of living without reason." His eyes traced her body hungrily, pleased when he heard her heart speed in its unsteady pace, taking every inch she gave as she slowly backed away, until she was backed against the fridge with a quiet yelp. "Don't you want freedom? You've thought about ending it, life, the pain... you've tried so many ways, none of them working, so you finally feel like giving up... don't you?" He smiled as her eyes fluttered shut slightly, her small body trembling as it was trapped by his, engulfed by his scent, the sound of him, the feel.  
  
A flush filled her cheeks as she listened to him, his tone setting her skin ablaze, her heart longing for the freedom he knew so much about. "Yes." She licked her lips nervously, her eyes still down cast, every inch of her body trembling with nerves and want.  
  
"I've lived too long with this feeling, I know your pain, your need; I need it too. Freedom, life, warmth. It will take all your pain away." He lowered his head to where her pulse was frantic in her neck, calling out to him with more passion than he could recall. Closing in on her until she couldn't think to move, he nestled his forehead against the nape of her neck, his tongue darting out to taste the fire of her skin. "It will give you what even death cannot."  
  
The feel of his cold tongue upon her neck caused her to jerk violently into reality as his final words gave her the unnerving strength to push him away. In wide-eyed shock she ran to the other side of the island, her body trembling uncontrollably at her reaction, breathing ragged, she swallowed hard. "What was that?"  
  
He didn't look at her; he couldn't, not without wanting to taste her again. "Pet," he trailed off, trying to again regain his control.  
  
She studied him a moment, thinking about what he was going through, not being able to drink, to go against his nature. Frowning, saddened understanding filling her expression, she sighed. "It's okay Spike. I won't tell anyone what happened."  
  
Surprise filled his expression as he turned and faced her. "What?"  
  
His eyes, blue and deep and cold with confusion, causing her to shudder with their intensity as they bore into her, trying to see to her intentions. Smiling, she understood, she didn't know what, or how, but she understood. "The others, I won't tell them about what you tried just now."  
  
Again confusion, mingled within admiration for the young woman he had just threatened again for the umpteenth time in the past three years, creased his forehead as he stared at her, "Why?"  
  
She shrugged, looking down. "You helped me tonight, when no one else cared too." She looked up again, a smile of appreciation filling her soul, something he couldn't even remember seeing before being bestowed upon him. "This is the least I can do."  
  
A smile crept over his lips thinly, only to be removed quickly when he became aware of it being there. Clearing his throat while levelling his shoulders, reassuring himself that he was still a big bad, he turned for the door. "Come on luv, the sun's soon to rise." 


	4. Part forph tehehe

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 4  
  
They entered Gile's apartment just as the sun's rays started to make Spike's skin unnaturally warm. Taking off the blanket, casting a glance to Willow's warn exterior, feeling sympathy for her condition while she had to face them, before looking up to see Buffy and Xander glaring at both him and Willow while Anya sat back on the couch eating a bag of chips with a smile on her face.  
  
"Where were you?" Xander demanded before his best friend had even been fully in the door, shooting Spike, most certainly the cause for the delay, looks of death. "You had me so worried."  
  
"Yeah," Anya piped in with a smile, "Once Buffy called he could only keep going for another hour."  
  
Xander's eyes closed with embarrassment at Anya's crass before looking back to Willow, letting Buffy stare daggers at Spike as she went about tying him up, his gaze never falling far from the tired redhead. "I was worried."  
  
She smiled sadly, feeling guilty about the worry she had put him through. "I'm sorry, but you didn't have to worry, Spike scared all the creepy things away." Her smile turned playful. "He's a good guard puppy."  
  
"Willow," the vampire warned as Buffy tightened the ropes.  
  
Shrugging uncomfortably at his tone, she turned back to Xander. "Nothing happened. We didn't even come upon any more demons after you left."  
  
Xander's eyes widened as she flushed slightly, looking away like she had been guilty of some unsaid crime. Which, for the hacker turned witch could have very well been stealing a cookie before supper; but Xander didn't want to take any chances. Not liking the possibilities for its cause, he took a step towards her, checking her neck carefully for any signs of being bitten. "Did he hurt you? Cause if he did, I'll stake him. Please tell me I can stake him. He made me think that you had been killed, and you know what that does to me." He finished as a pain filled his side; he doubled over slightly waiting for it to pass. It was like an ulcer, brought on by stress and worry. "It hurts my side."  
  
Anya pointed at him with a chip. "I've read about that. It's appendicitis... you're going to die."  
  
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the woman who was smiling proudly with her knowledge of medical things of such nature. Xander shook his head, turning to his demon. "Ayn, its not appendicitis, I should know... I already had that. You've seen the scar."  
  
As another argument between the couple started Giles came down from his bedroom, Olivia following him, both ignoring the pair and looking between the witch and slayer. "Good morning girls. Willow, I see you got in alright."  
  
She nodded, "Sure thing, hey Olivia."  
  
The British woman nodded as Giles gained everyone's straying attentions. "Alright everyone, please, settle down. We have a lot to do today."  
  
Buffy choose that moment to but in. "Uh, sorry Giles, but no research for me today." Her face lit up. "I have a date with Riley."  
  
Xander nodded. "Yeah, and me and Anya have to get the Spike smell out of the basement."  
  
He sighed looking to Willow, "I have to take Olivia to the airport today, I need someone to stay and keep an eye on Spike."  
  
She nodded, knowing that being the only one alone, she was the rightful candidate. "Sure, I can do it. Just let me go to the dorm and catch a little sleep first."  
  
"Certainly. See you later."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy and Willow walked home together in awkward silence until Buffy sighed and pulled Willow to a stop. "What is it?"  
  
The redhead looked confused. "What's what?"  
  
"You know. You look like you have this huge thundercloud hanging over your head. You're all gloom girl. Did Spike hurt your feelings?"  
  
Willow was taken aback for a moment before shaking her head. "What? No, its, its nothing."  
  
"Its not nothing, I can see it in your eyes. Will it help if I stake Spike... cause you know I will."  
  
Willow rolled her eyes before settling again into thought. It was a moment before she said anything, catching the slayer off guard. "He's not that much unlike us you know."  
  
"What? Who?"  
  
"Spike, he's like us."  
  
Buffy's eyebrow raised slightly. "Say wha...? Are you feeling alright?" She reached over to check her friend's temperature.  
  
Willow pushed her hand away with a fake frown. "Just think about it. He's just lonely and lost, just like us. Its kind of like he's forced to go through puberty again, forced to see the world in a way that is new and strange, one that just doesn't make sense."  
  
"Wills, you've given this a lot of thought haven't you? I don't think that this is a good sign. Spike is not someone anybody should try to psychoanalyse. I think you need to get out." Her face lit up. "I know, let me set you up. It'll be great; one of Riley's friends would be perfect for you. He's tall, gorgeous, kind of quiet at times but oh-so-nice."  
  
Willow looked down. "I don't want to be set up." She lowered her voice to just above a whisper. "It's too soon."  
  
Immediately feeling ashamed, Buffy wrapped an arm around Willow sympathetically. "I'm sorry Will. I know it's been a hard time for you, and I'm sorry if I'm pushing you. Forgive me?" Pouting slightly she waited until Willow laughed before pulling the redhead along with a laugh. "But would it kill you to meet him?" 


	5. Part 5 as in golden rings

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 5  
  
Buffy and Riley were walking around campus, having nothing better to do, Riley looking at Buffy while Buffy was looking out into space. Getting tired of not having her attention, he pulled her to a stop.  
  
"What?" She asked him, looking around confused, "Are we here?"  
  
He stifled a laugh. "I don't know where you are, all I know is that I'm here alone."  
  
She laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm just worried about Willow, she needs somebody. She deserves to be happy."  
  
"Give her time, I'm sure she will be. You can't just force her into being happy."  
  
She shrugged. "Maybe."  
  
He sighed. "What? I'm getting to know that look in your eyes, and it means that you have an idea that is totally unconventional. So, what is it?"  
  
She couldn't help but smile. Riley made her feel good about herself, confident in a way that Angel never had but also shy and nervous at the same time. "I don't know what you mean Mr. Finn. Is it unconventional to want my best friend to find the same happiness that I have found? With someone special?" Smiling innocently she wrapped her arms around Riley's neck.  
  
Inhaling deeply, taking in the scent that he was quickly falling in love with, he held her tightly to him, pulling her up to his lips in a gentle kiss. "No."  
  
Her grim widened as she pulled away and started to walk again. "Good, then you can help."  
  
Confusion as to how he had been sucked into her little scheme filled his face as well as questions as to what the said scheme was filled his head. "What? How? Why?"  
  
She turned to stare at him as though he had two heads and her plan was as obvious as anything in the world. "I want to set Willow up with Graham."  
  
Riley was taken aback. "What?"  
  
"I want your friend Graham, remember him?" She waited until Riley nodded before continuing, "To go out with my friend Willow. You know, the girl who helped you get me."  
  
He thought a minute before sighing. "It can't hurt I suppose." He agreed and was rewarded with a kiss.  
  
"Good, now go talk to him. I got to go shopping with my mom." Her smile grew innocent and child-like. "I want to look pretty for our date later."  
  
He kissed her gently on the nose. "You already do."  
  
She sighed happily, not wanting to walk away, but knowing her mother would be waiting. "Your sweet, but go. Willow's happiness is my happiness. Talk to Graham. I want to see Willow happy with someone again. It's been too long. She deserves someone who understands her."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Willow met Giles and Olivia in the courtyard of his 'flat', luggage packed and them ready to leave. "Hey guys." She greeted with her customary grin.  
  
"Oh, hello Willow. Spike's inside watching Passions, so he should be good for a while. Try to get some work done, I'll be back from L.A. as soon as I can."  
  
She watched them leave with a smile before going inside the darkened apartment with a sigh.  
  
"'Ello Pet," Spike greeted her from where he sat on the couch the television playing lightly in the background, "Rupert gone yet?"  
  
She nodded as she set her bag down on the table, stretching slightly, feeling freedom from the burden of her books. "He just left." She paused, rubbing her neck with a tired sigh as he got up, "What are you doing?" Exhaling heavily, not in the mood for any of his childish antics, she followed him to the kitchen.  
  
He started searching the cupboards, "Ol' Rupert keeps himself a pretty little stash of England's finest." With a successful grin he looked at the bottle in his grip, his eyes roaming it like an old lover once lost, one eyebrow cocked slightly with a wondrous expression on his pale face. "For a librarian, he has pretty good taste." He turned, facing her disbelieving expression as to his behaviour with a wink and a grin, grabbing two glasses, leading the way back to the couch. "Care to join me Red? I hate drinking alone."  
  
She followed him back to the couch, sitting next to him, still confused. "What do you think you're doing? Giles will be mad."  
  
"Let him," he teased handing her a half-filled glass of the sweet smelling liquid. "I just spent the morning trying to sleep through hours of good-bye sex. I'm surprised they can even walk." He took a long swig, savouring the taste as he swallowed hard, "I deserve this."  
  
She watched him drain his glass, her brow furrowed in disgust. "I didn't need to know that. There's a mental image that I wish I didn't have." She shuddered before taking a drink of her own glass, the liquor feeling harsh yet inviting in her throat. She immediately understood why Giles liked it. It was comforting.  
  
"Tell me about it," he agreed as he filled her glass, watching as she shifted so that she was facing him, her legs tucked underneath the skirt she wore, arm resting on the back of the couch, giving him her complete focus. He smiled, liking the attention, it had been too long since anyone had actually listened to him, pausing a moment he silently wondered if Dru ever really had. Shrugging, he looked at her again. "I don't understand where this world has come to when blokes like Rupert can get hours of sex while a good looking chit like you and a charmingly irresistable vampire like me are left here sitting alone in the world." Shaking his head, he shifted so that his position mirrored her own.  
  
A small smile played at her lips as she watched him shift position again. "You think I'm good looking?"  
  
He looked over his glass at her. "Yeah, Red. I do." A smile crept up on him as she took a drink, her face turning red. "What about me? Am I as charming as I think I am? I mean I haven't seen myself in over a hundred years, could I be mistaken?"  
  
Blushing more, she shook her head. He was playing with her, and for right then, playing felt nice, it felt like she was wanted—she needed that. "No, you're not. You are a looker," her nose scrunched up slightly as he again filled her glass. "In a dangerous sort of way."  
  
He shrugged, placing the bottle back on the coffee table. "Dangerous is as dangerous does luv. Danger is how you feel alive, wouldn't you say?" He asked, inching closer to her on the small couch, a wicked smile playing at his lips.  
  
She nodded, well aware of his position, of a possible intention. And, like many things now, she didn't care. To her, a little bit of danger sounded good, as did the reminder that she was alive, not only dying inside. Leaning forward slightly, her eyes shone with mischief. "And what do the dangerous do to be reminded that they are alive?"  
  
He laughed as he watched her eyes flutter between his eyes and lips, her breathing growing thin and shallow, her heart's pace unsteady, and her body's pleas washing over him. He inhaled as her tongue, as flushed as the rest of her, darted out to wet her lips, and leaned forward to cup her cheek gently with one hand, the other taking her glass and setting it to the table. He studied her for a moment as he made up his mind, already decided since that morning when he had a taste of the broken soul sweeter than any other.  
  
He pulled her lips to his with a primal growl, "I'll show you..." 


	6. Part 6 sexxxxxxx

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 6  
  
Books went flying as Willow settled upon the coffee table, after finding that the couch was too narrow for them to move. Her breathing was harsh, her chest heaving through the thin cotton of her hunter green bra that seemed to echo the darkness that was in her eyes, brought on by a needy hunger that she had never known before. Her attention, barren of all reason beyond ridding her pain, looked to her savour, looked to Spike who was kneeling before her, his own unneeded breaths leaving chills over her legs, her skirt pushed above her knees, her underwear, matching her bra, exposed.  
  
She swallowed hard; the muscles left revealed when he had removed his shirt, thrown away with her own, twitched slightly through his restraint as he reached up to remove her underwear. To her he was pure animal, on the prowl, ready to pounce, and, as her legs lifted to free herself of the restricting material, she was ready to receive him.  
  
He rose above her, on his knees, his lips seeking out her own, swollen, needy—he wanted this, needed this as much as she did, maybe more. For while she needed this to move on, he needed her warmth to keep him alive, he needed something to tie him to this world again, he needed to claim something worth living for. As one arm snaked behind her back, locking her head in place against his, her arms clinging to his shoulders, back and hair as though they were life itself, nails digging in slightly when he started to chew on her lips, sending fiery want through her. His other arm joining with the first moving on their own accord, grasping under her knees forcefully, pulling her to the edge of the table, not caring as to the friction, to him and where he was waiting for her.  
  
No words were spoken, no form of foreplay executed, their wanton abandonment was prelude enough as he drove into her harshly, fingers clenching her ass tightly as her nails dug into his skin, breaking the surface, causing him to growl and pause in his movements, both for her to adjust to him and for him to beat his demon down.  
  
Her eyes were clenched shut tightly, her lips moving viciously against his own, fingers almost digging too deeply into the back of his head, all in order to bare the pain that he had caused her with his ruthlessness. But that pain that flashed, had ignited a fire inside her, one that longed to burn, one that set ablaze all the hate and fear and loneliness inside her. She was there within that blazing fire created within her soul, and she was glad to see everything burn, cause with it's smoke, choking her back to life, its flames that scorched everything around her—she was no longer alone.  
  
He moved his lips away from hers allowing her a moment's breath, his mouth, tongue and teeth, blunt in passion-filled disappointment, making its way down to the smooth, salty flesh of her neck, of her pulse point, of her life line. Showering it with nibbling kisses, her took in her warmth, buried within her, being set free around him, his hunger for her growing ever more when he heard his name uttered within a breathy sigh. Feeling her tighten around him he knew that she was getting closer to freedom, and he was with her, soaking everything that she offered into him, taking it all with the craving of a starving man. Not even thoughts of Dru could have stolen that from him; for, in that moment it was his name that was uttered again when she finally came around him, his talents that had driving her to that point, his release found right after, and it was his Red collapsing around him tiredly, her breaths, harsh and uneven feeling like steam against his tingling flesh.  
  
In that moment, one so short in compared to his lifetime, yet one so important to his life—he had found something of his own, he had found his reason for living—he had found his life. 


	7. Part 7 the insanity ensues

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 7  
  
She had collapsed against him, no longer able to hold herself straight, his cool hands sending shivers through her as they ran down to the small of her sweat-soaked back, feeling a chill she leaned into him farther as he manoeuvred them both so they were sitting on the floor, their backs to the couch, her curled in his lap, his chin resting against her head, arms holding her as she trembled. Neither of them spoke as discomfort filled them. Both were there in some form of undress, smelling of sex, feeling the chill of life and love lost once more.  
  
Willow looked around in a worried rush, her heart rate increasing as she thought of what she had just done... and at Giles's place at that. Never before had she done it in a place that she could so easily been found; someone could have looked through the window...  
  
She stiffened in his arms, causing him to freeze in his motions. Swallowing, smelling her fear, he moved away enough to look at her. "What?"  
  
Looking down, not meeting his eye, a blush filling her already rosy cheeks. "No... nothing, its just, daytime, anyone could have..." she broke off, shrugging uncomfortably.  
  
He stifled a laugh at her concern, a wave of relief flowing through him: she didn't regret it... not yet at least. "Next time, we'll make sure its in private."  
  
She sat up, a curious smile on her face. "Next time?"  
  
Before he could give her a reply they were caught off guard by the ringing phone. With a small smile of disbelief she sighed. "Every time," she chided, getting up, wincing slightly when her muscles protested to move.  
  
"Best compliment a bloke could get," Spike laughed as he watched her go to the phone, before getting up and heading off to the kitchen.  
  
"Hello?" She greeted as lightly as she could, it coming out almost whimsical. Spike was right, sex really did wonders for your disposition.  
  
"Hey Willow," Buffy almost sang, making Willow wonder if the blonde had had some sex of her own.  
  
She shook her head, rubbing the bridge of her nose, "I sound like Anya," she mumbled with a laugh.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh, nothing, so, what's going on?"  
  
"Nothing too much, just wanted to check in and see how Vamp sitting was going."  
  
Willow turned and watched as Spike moved lazily around the kitchen. A small smile found itself on her lips. "Well, you know, he's pretty good as far as attention defecate vampires go." She hid a laugh when Spike turned to her, licking his finger and touching it to his still bare chest, making sizzling noises as he did so, signalling that he knew how hot he really was. "He's getting something to eat right now." She turned away, "Are you checking up on me?"  
  
Buffy shrugged, it showed in her voice, "Not really, I just wanted to see if you were busy tonight."  
  
"Just research and homework, why?"  
  
"Riley has a small party planned."  
  
Willow's eyes rolled when she heard the happiness that radiated off of the slayer by just mentioning her boyfriend's name. But as the words she had spoken registered to the redhead, her rolling eyes was quickly replaced by an arched eyebrow. "Define small."  
  
"Just him, a few of his close friends, you and me."  
  
"Is this another attempt to set me up with one of the commando guys?"  
  
Behind her Spike's attention peeked, growling into the mug he listened closely to what was going on.  
  
Buffy laughed. "Nope, don't worry. Its just a meet and greet. We just wanted you to meet someone nice; someone I know will treat you right. I mean if we can get some double dates out if fine," Willow sighed at the wickedness in her friend's tone. But soon it melted away. "You know, I hate to admit this, but I even had an Anya thought, that maybe you just needed a few good orgasms, you know?" Willow grew silent, and pale, guilt washing over her, suddenly feeling both like she had let Buffy down and that she had sold herself out, that she had been again too weak to deal with her pain on her own. "Funny huh? Willow?"  
  
"Huh? Oh right, funny, yeah."  
  
Buffy grew silent a moment, "Are you okay? Did Spike do something?"  
  
She wanted to either laugh out or cry, maybe both. "No, its nothing. Sure, I'll go to the party tonight if you want me to."  
  
Buffy beamed. "Great, we'll talk about it later at Giles'. You won't regret it. Promise."  
  
With a shaking hand Willow hung up the phone, feeling like she was going to be sick. Still pale, thoughts of regret swarmed her, and feeling dirt ridden with dirty regrets, she hurriedly went and picked up her shirt off the careless pile it had been on the floor and headed for the bathroom, avoiding Spike's curious eye, wanting nothing more than to die. 


	8. Part 8 umm Spikey sleeping

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 8  
  
The party was dull, and loud thanks to the people, almost half the campus in fact, who came without an invite. Willow, not in a mood to navigate through the drinking masses of drunken slobs to find the joy filled Buffy, dancing with Riley without inhibition, and feeling too guilty to socialize, she retreated to the only refuge she could find. Moving up the stairs, she settled onto the window ledge of the first empty bedroom she came upon.  
  
She was looking out the window, the moonlight reflecting sadly off of her pale face, shading the busy campus that seemed to echo the hollowness in her soul, a sigh heavy upon her lips when she heard the door open behind her, deaf to her mournful ears. Tears started to well in her eyes, disappointed that she couldn't find comfort in the stars. The same stars that had seen her through all her heartbreaks, from her broken Barbie doll, to Jesse's death, to dealing with her feelings for Xander, and the fact that he didn't feel the same: they helped her through them all. But now, when she needed them the most, to comfort her heart, find solace for her crimes, she found them barren of everything but light.  
  
"Stupid stars," she grumbled wiping her face dry with a quivering hand, sighing again with knowledge of her own pathetic state, "Even Drusilla could talk to them, and she's crazy."  
  
She glanced over her shoulder, jumping slightly with knowledge that her peace was broken, sitting up straight when a man, clouded in the darkness carrying in from the room and hall, came in, crossing his arms as he leaned against the closed door, smiling. "What are you doing up here?" He asked in a kind tone, softness caressing his face. "I thought that this party was for you."  
  
She shrugged, looking down, feeling that she didn't deserve being looked upon with such kindness, not after what she did, not after what she lost. "It just shows you the pandemonium that haunts everything I do. I cast a spell, I risk my friends' lives; I fall in love, I squash my heart; I try to get over him and I end up doing something stupid; and, I go to a party and it becomes an orgy." She sighed with a mock grin, "I'm cursed." She studied him a moment, "You're Graham right?"  
  
"Yeah," he said coming to lean against the sill facing her, being reminded by the look on her face of a child long lost. "And you're Willow," his eyebrow rose when he noticed the tear trails upon her cheeks. "A weeping willow from the looks of it. What's wrong?"  
  
"Oh, I don't want to burden you with the sad tale that is my life. So, what brings you here?"  
  
"It's my room," he said grinning, pleased when he earned a small, slightly embarrassed, smirk from her. "I kind of got tired of it down there, its too crowded for my tastes."  
  
She watched him a moment as he looked down to the half filled glass in his grip, shifting his position to gain comfort in how he sat. To her he looked like a little boy in a man's body, desperately clinging onto the happiness of childhood. It made her glad, to see that happiness survived at least somewhere in the world, if not in her. "Yeah, I'm not much in the mood for a party either."  
  
"What are you in the mood for?"  
  
"Ice cream," She admitted without missing a beat. Blushing at his bemused expression, she shrugged. "It's been a long few weeks. I was cheated on, dumped, wallowed in my own self deprecating pity, set up Buffy and Riley and I did something that I'm really not proud of... so, I need ice cream, and possibly sleep." She said in an afterthought, her brow crinkling as she thought too much into it.  
  
"You set those two up?" He asked, trying to get her mind off of her current problems.  
  
"Well, helped really. Riley asked, I aided, and poof, instant happy couple."  
  
"That explains their kick for wanting to make you happy."  
  
Her eyebrow crinkled suddenly, "Did they send you up here?"  
  
He raised his hands in hopes of settling her nerves only to end up spilling his drink on the floor. "No... damn, sorry," with a clumsy smile he bent to clean it with a discarded shirt, blushing slightly. "I'm not usually a klutz." He stared at her bemused smile blankly. "What?"  
  
"Nothing, its just you remind me a lot of one of my friends on campus... her name's Tara. You know, I think you'd really like her..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy was all smiles when she and Willow finally got back to their room, close to three in the morning. "So," she prodded when Willow returned from the bathroom, both girls climbing into their respective beds, "How'd your night go?"  
  
"Pretty okay I guess... Graham and I spent a good hour talking in his room. He's a pretty good guy."  
  
Buffy beamed, "Wills, that's great. So are there any happy sparks between you two? Are you going to go out? Get married? Planning on naming your first born after me?"  
  
Willow rolled her eyes. "Buffy, we only talked. He's not really my type, and its too soon," she reminded putting her resolve face into place, "Besides, I only need friends right now in my life. No complications..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Spike shifted on the couch, not being able to find a comfortable position, his mind not giving him any rest. It was always the case that time of night, when Giles was asleep, when only infomercials pollute the tele and his mind, not tired enough to find sleep himself, he would lay, staring at the ceiling, an aging off-white, just thinking. Usually his thoughts were with Dru, loosing her, knowing that he never really had her, always coming second to Angelus, hating his grandsire, killing him slowly as sleep finally claimed him.  
  
But not tonight, not then, in the moment, as he watched the shadows playing tag with the ceiling's contours—right then, it was Willow he saw dancing before his blue eyes, the scent of sex still in the air, even if it was too weak for human senses to pick up. He remembered her, her smell, her taste; her heart. For a moment he was almost alive again, wrapped up in her, feeling her, soaking her in; for a few moments it was as though she was a part of him; he was able to forget about Dru, while allowing her to think past her loss of Oz. It felt good, both of them being free to forget.  
  
Turning again, facing the back of the couch, Spike sighed—he wanted to forget again. 


	9. Part 9 evil me

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mind... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 9  
  
Willow avoided him, looking away whenever his casual gazes fell upon her, making her memories stir, regret burn her to her core, shifting uncomfortably until he finally looked away. It was repeated three times until he sighed in frustration, getting up in a huff and leaving towards the kitchen, her eyes following him painfully as he left. It was the second day of research that she had managed to avoid him, her guilt growing every time she looked at the coffee table, or one of the books and papers that had been bent during their careless evacuation off of the offending furniture. What made it escalate more, however, was that she wanted to talk to him about it... wanted to make sure he was okay. Even worse still, in her eyes, making the guilt even harder to bear and her discomfort at being in the same room with him was the knowledge that he was the best she had had. That simple meaningless screw, one done only to fill a deep- rooted need for comfort, had been better than any and every moment of love put into action with Oz; and that scared her, wondering, making her doubt, if her love was real. If it wasn't... what was left? What was wrong with her?  
  
"Willow?"  
  
The witch's head jerked around quickly when she heard her name called, being pulled from her thoughts so quickly that confusion followed her, wondering if she had missed something important. "Huh?"  
  
Xander looked at her, eyebrow raised, studying her carefully. "Are you okay? You've been kind of jumpy the last couple of days." He squinted, a bemused yet accusing gaze upon his face. "Have you been drinking cappuccino again?"  
  
"I know what it is," Anya accused, sitting forward, her expression serious, "You hate us. We don't want to hear you whining about being left anymore, so you hate us," her face grew harder at Willow's hurt, disbelieving expression. "Or is it just me? That's it, isn't it? You hate me, or you're jealous. I'm getting my daily dose of happy orgasms and you haven't had one since Oz left."  
  
Willow looked up when she heard Spike scoff, a sound missed by everyone else there, all focused on Anya. And she was glad, not yet ready for her best friend and the man who was like a father to her to find out that she had sought comfort that no one was willing to give in the arms of the evil un-dead.  
  
Anya gasped, squinting at Willow, looking at her as though she had just run over the demon's favourite dog, "Or are you trying to steal him away from me? Oz is gone, is it Xander's turn now? I'm not going to be like Cordelia, I give him too many orgasms for him to let me go!" Her eyes widening again, more theories forming in her enraged head, "So that's why you haven't been around! You're using magic to do it!" She looked around at all the shocked faces in the room, pointedly avoiding Willow's welling eyes, "Well, I can tell you this, stop it... NOW!!!!" With a huff she stormed off to the bathroom, everyone flinching when they heard the door slam shut.  
  
Xander looked at the then crying Willow with the same look of shock that was shared with the two other males in the room. Swallowing hard, thankful that Buffy had gone out, not wanting the blonde to hold anything more against his girlfriend; he went pale. "I'm sorry," he muttered before running after his demon.  
  
Willow paused a moment, looking around, lost and out of touch, searching for a way out, before grabbing her coat and leaving in a hurried rush into the night.  
  
Giles watched blankly as the two women acted out their emotional urges to flee, turning to Spike, who too looked as confused as to what had just happened. "Spike," he began, glancing at the door, stopping when he failed to think of the words that could voice his utter confusion.  
  
Nodding, understanding the basics of his unspoken comment, curious himself as to what had caused his Red to flee, he grabbed his duster with a sigh. "I'm on it."  
  
Taking off his glasses with vacant movements, rubbing the bridge of his nose, his back supported, Giles laughed, only to have it catch half way out, at the events that had led to an empty living room, something that he had wanted ever since the school was destroyed. He just didn't understand how it came about. "Youth," he scoffed, putting his glasses on and turning back to his books, "Humanity is truly doomed. If not from demons, then from the new generation."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Spike stopped in his tracks, finding Willow sitting upon a stone bench that stood facing one of the more extravagant monuments in the finest of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. He could almost feel her pain, smelling her tears, hearing her heartbeat so fiercely that it could have been his own, had he have one. Slowly he approached her, not wanting to startle her, not knowing quite what he, himself, should do to help her.  
  
Willow inhaled, sitting up. She felt him behind her, her magic protecting her. She sighed heavily, cocking her head and slouching her shoulders in despair, wanting nothing more than to be left alone. It seemed to fit. "What do you want Spike?"  
  
Pausing slightly, the hairs on his neck raising at the defeat lacing her tone, he moved so that he was standing above her. "What are you doing out here?" He asked, forehead scrunched as it always did, she was quickly finding out, when he was thinking or studying something, her, with every part of himself.  
  
"I'm getting away from her," she huffed, pointing towards Giles's place, "Anya's crazy."  
  
He sat down. "No, merely scared that she'll end up like you; alone." He looked into her eyes, grinning at her startled expression. "Those who aren't alone are more scared of it than those of us who are." He shrugged. "They have the most to lose." He wiped her cheek dry. "Why are you so down?"  
  
She studied him for a moment, wondering if he was being serious, knowing from previous experiences with Buffy that he was quite sarcastic. She stopped her thoughts, recalling that he was sarcastic when he was talking to everyone, everyone but her. Every time she was ever with him alone, he had always been serious with her, honest, sincere. She wondered why that was, what made her special to him when she didn't even feel special herself. She backed away, looking from his eyes, a shade of blue that she hadn't cared to notice before. "Why are you doing this? Why are you here?"  
  
Sighing he looked away. "I don't know Pet, I suppose it's to help us both." Fumbling through his pocket, he found a cigarette, his comfort when nothing else could help. He was addicted to them, not for their smoke, but rather for their support, they were a safety net, one he wasn't ready to give up any time soon. "Give us both something to look forward to, something besides death."  
  
She tried to laugh, it catching in the remains of her tears. "That's comforting."  
  
"It's the truth." He said taking a drag, watching her out of the corner of his eye as she dried her face with a quivering hand. "So, what's wrong? And don't lie." He growled.  
  
Inhaling deeply her eyes locking on the sky, new tears forming even as she voiced her pain. "Look," pointing towards her heartache, letting Spike see for himself what weighed heavily upon her heart, she leaned against him, not knowing what else to do.  
  
His eyes found quickly what had been underneath her pain. The moon was full. He sighed, even as he took her weight. "He's ruling you luv, you can't let him."  
  
She sat up, looking confused. "Dru rules you too, dummy... and he does not." She looked down, "I... I just remember how much I hated these nights because it was on those nights that I had to be away from Oz, they were the longest nights in the world. And every night I couldn't wait until dawn, for the sun to bring us back together again. Now, nothing can. It just reminds me that..." she broke off when her eyes fell upon his lips, warmth creeping through her, need. "Spike..." 


	10. Part 10 use me?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 10  
  
Anya looked down as the bathroom door opened, ashamed as to what had just happened. Looking up slightly she watched as Xander came towards her. She shrugged, not able to meet his gaze. "What? She can't have you."  
  
Crossing his arms he leaned against the door jam, studying her fidgeting form slightly, amazed at what he was witnessing. "Are you sorry for what happened?" He couldn't believe it; his Anya was getting a conscious.  
  
She went to him, seeking comfort, pleased that he wasn't angry at her behaviour. "I don't know, am I?" She looked at his face, confused. "I can't let her have you, but..."  
  
"You shouldn't have said what you did." He said matter-of-factly, "Willow has been through a hard time."  
  
"I know, I just don't want to go through it too. If you leave me, what can I do? Its not like I can eviscerate you."  
  
"And I'm glad. Anya, pain comes with loving, there's no way around it when love isn't enough. I miss Oz, but he hurt her in a way that I can never forgive him for. That doesn't mean that I'm going to be with her to make her happy, that's not what she needs; not what I need."  
  
She grinned. "You need me?"  
  
He swallowed a laugh at her pleased expression, seeing a jaded innocence that made his chest hurt. "Yeah, Ayn, I need you. But Willow, she needs to heal. And I don't know how to help her..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
She felt crazed; wanting to devour him, wishing he would devour her, right there, on the bench, right where anyone could think to see. But, she didn't care... all she needed—all she cared about—was feeling something other than the moon's mourning cry, to forget about her own. She let out a gasp as Spike pushed her against the cold stone of the bench, his weight crushing her against the unforgiving surface, his lips punishing hers, her hands holding his head in place as his cooling hands, tempered by the chilling night air, moved quickly under her skirt, brushing her legs gently before caressing where she needed him the most. She moaned into his mouth at his touch, at first a surprised yelp, nipping his lip, but quickly melting into burning need.  
  
He had never known anyone who reacted so readily to his touch, someone so warm surrounding him. He growled, angry at her manipulation, even if she wasn't aware of her charms, and angry at his own readiness to comply to her lust-filled wants; knowing it wasn't him she wanted, it never was with those he found himself drawn to, for Dru it was Angelus, for this one, it was freedom.  
  
She froze when he growled, her eyes opening to stare into his cold and clouded eyes as he sat up. Her body shivered, missing his presence, confused as to why he pulled away, not even bringing himself to look at her. Swallowing hard, trying to gain control over her breathing, fixing her appearance with quivering hands. She wanted nothing more than to flee and cry, convinced she understood his reasoning.  
  
"You should go," he told her harshly, as angry with himself as he was at her, "The bloody Watcher might worry." It came out from between clenched teeth, his cheeks and jaw betraying his attempts of hiding his disposition.  
  
"Spike?" She asked nervously, staring with an unsteady gaze at her hands as they busied themselves with playing with the hem of her shirt. "W- What's wrong? Did I... did I do something wrong?"  
  
Her voice was filled with such broken innocence that his resolve broke, and he brought himself to look upon her, sighing heavily, not knowing what else to do. "You should go," he told her again, much softer than before.  
  
She didn't move, too shocked to comply with his wants, being silently assured by her own self-conscious nature, that she had been right about his reasoning. She swallowed hard, blinking back tears that plead to flow. "You think I'm ugly."  
  
He laughed. "What? Bloody hell Pet, I don't think you're ugly."  
  
Not able to hold it back any longer she started to cry, exhaling harshly, defeated. "Then, why?"  
  
He let out another growl, finding himself caving to her. He stood up and faced her. "I'm not your bleeding puppy. I won't come calling whenever you feel like it. You have the moron for that, you two seemed mighty cozy this time last year pet."  
  
She shot him a look, ignoring his bait. "Xander is not a moron," she shook her head, rethinking her comment, her forehead creased in thought, as he crossed his arms, an eyebrow cocked slightly, "Right, sorry, so not helping." She paused, her mind reminding her of an important point. "And... I don't think of you as a puppy. Puppies..." she broke off, her throat tightening. She met his unbelieving expression. "You're no puppy." She swallowed hard, not daring to mention that her puppy left, knowing he was in no mood, and not wanting, for herself to be reminded, knowing that right then was not the time. "I just thought..."  
  
He cut her off, "You thought that I would take the wolf's place." He grabbed her hand when she moved to slap him, her heart jumping to her throat at the hardness in his eyes, "That I would take away your pain, that I would let you use me." He pulled her to her feet so that she was only inches away, so close that her scent washed over him, and that he could feel the warmth of her breath on his cheek. "No deal sweetheart." He let her go, watching as she stumbled back against the bench.  
  
She looked at him carefully, willing herself not to cry. "I never wanted that Spike. Besides, you used me too, to take away Dru's pain. I had just thought, that maybe, we... we could just help each other... to forget." She looked down with a self-conscious shrug. "That's all."  
  
He looked around with a sigh, fighting the last reminisce of a losing battle. "Red..."  
  
She looked up, defeated, when he started to walk away. "What?"  
  
He smiled at her. "You coming?" 


	11. Part 11 insane much?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 11  
  
Willow could have laughed, sex in a crypt, something others had fantasies over, something she had never thought herself doing, yet she had, not only readily, but the thought of doing it over a body's resting place, never really phased her—only on a Hellmouth.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" Spike asked, having watched her carefully on the walk home.  
  
"Huh?" She blushed, "Oh, nothing really." She paused, again falling into deep thought. "Do you think I think too much?" She asked after a long moment.  
  
He laughed. "Too many people don't think at all Red, there is no such thing as thinking too much, to few do." He paused, a familiar rolling in the pit of his stomach causing him to stop. "Bloody hell, the Slayer's coming." He looked around, seeing, with a curse, as she rounded the corner, humming an annoying tune.  
  
Buffy stopped dead in her tracks, seeing Spike and Willow standing together, each looking like that had been in a fight. Her throat catching with worry she rushed over to them, immediately putting her arms around Willow, making sure to place herself between her friend and the vampire. "Are you alright?" She looked between the pair, to concerned to even notice Willow's embarrassed expression.  
  
Spike, not looking up, shrugged lazily, reaching for his cigarettes, and answered for them, sensing Willow's embarrassment. "The chit was walking home, a big bad came after her... nothing happened to her." He grumbled, his pack empty, swallowing hard, jaw clenched, as he threw the pack away. "She's all safe and sound."  
  
Buffy glared at him. "And I'm to believe that you didn't try to hurt her? Or let this vampire do it for you?"  
  
"I wouldn't," he said smiling slightly, "The witch makes good cookies. Take her home Slayer." He finished taking a step away, "I got things I'd rather be doing than babysitting a slayerette."  
  
Buffy turned, leading Willow with her as she left. Willow looked over her shoulder, watching Spike with an appreciating smile, thankful that he had played along with her. She tried not to laugh when she saw Spike wink before disappearing into the shadows.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Are you okay?" Buffy asked once they were in their dorm, the slayer not liking how her friend had remained quiet during the entire walk home. "I was worried when I got to Giles' and he said that you have left."  
  
Willow immediately felt ashamed, and dirty. "I'm sorry, Anya just got me angry... I'll be more careful, I promise." Sighing she grabbed her shower things, "I'm going to get ready for bed." She mumbled slowly, willing the tears that ached to fall to remain hidden, at least until Buffy left.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Are you okay?" Tara asked as she and Willow walked down the hall together in a silence that stank of guilt and pain. "You're reminding me of Eddy, my old cat. Whenever he was q-q-quiet for a long time... I, I knew that something was wrong."  
  
Willow smiled at her newest friend, liking having someone to talk to outside her small group, having someone impartial to her pains. "I was always more of a dog person, which is kind of silly because of the whole witch thing, you know, witches and cats," she crinkled her forehead, finding herself babbling, before her smile fell. "I'm sorry, but, when I get nervous, or anything, I start babbling."  
  
Tara's forehead crinkled, having learned quickly when Willow was on edge, and wanting to help as much as possible. "Do, do you want to t-talk about it?" She asked, coming to sit on the deserted stairs behind the residences, a comforting hand finding its place on Willow's shoulder.  
  
Immediately Willow burst into tears, burying her head into Tara's shoulders. It was a long while before the witch was able to speak, to even breath without hurting. When she was capable of it she met Tara's eye with a sigh. "Have you ever been broken hearted? So bent that you don't what it feels like to stand upright?"  
  
Swallowing hard, avoiding the hurt in the redhead's eyes, concentrating on her feet instead, Tara nodded. "Yeah, I did. I-it was a while ago. I-I still think about her."  
  
Willow blinked in surprise. "Her? W-what happened?"  
  
Tara smiled at Willow's discomfort. "We discovered that I liked her brother better," Tara let out a pained laugh. "She opened my eyes to the world, in ways I never knew, w-when she walked away: I kind of died."  
  
Willow nodded, her expression blank, breathing calm. "Right now, I'm buried six feet deep. But..." she broke off, sickness washing over her.  
  
"But?" Tara prodded, curious as to the source of her new friend's woes.  
  
Willow blinked, exhaling deeply, a single tear finding its way down the well-known path, as her heart broke some more. "There's this guy, he knows what it feels like to die," she laughed despite herself before another tear fell, "He's had his heart broken. He was with this woman pretty much forever, she watched as he discovered himself, found his nitch in life, when she left he was left alone to drown, to find himself in a world that is so different than the one he knew... he was alone."  
  
Tara nodded, "He feels like you do."  
  
She nodded, looking away. "Well, I don't know how it happened, but it did, he and I... we found each other, comforted each other." Sighing she fumbled with her fingers as she shrugged. "He watched over me as I cried, cheered me up, took my mind off Oz. We, we ah, we had sex, twice."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Now, I don't hurt so much because of Oz."  
  
"That's a good thing, r-right?"  
  
Willow shook her head, "No because now I'm too busy hurting over my guilt for having sex with someone my friends hate behind everyone's backs, my guilt for wanting to it again, to find this guy, heartless and evil as he may be, and I want to save him from his pain, and hope to the goddess that maybe he's still alive enough to save me."  
  
There was a moment's silence before Willow looked up, her face blank with childlike questioning, imploring Tara silently for an answer. The blonde witch shrugged, rubbing Willow's arm comfortingly. "I-I don't know what to say." She admitted with a sad smile.  
  
Willow nodding, matching the blonde's grin with one of her own, "I know how that one feels." 


	12. Part 12 here kitty kittyyy kittttyyyyyyy

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 12  
  
Willow smiled as she met Xander and Buffy, already in the diner booth, where they were to have lunch, one with just the three of them, to remember what it was like, in the beginning. She sat down, interrupting their conversation that had caused the pair to laugh just prior to the redhead's entry.  
  
They looked at her before glancing at each other, "Wills," Xander said after a moment, "Are you okay, you look... off."  
  
Willow shrugged. "Sorry, I was in a hurry this morning, I woke up late, after having a... rough night, forgot an assignment for one of my classes, and then Tara and I had an emotionally exhausting conversation that left me wanting a nap, but I had to come here, so I'm a little tired and I think my hair is getting droopy. Do you guys think I'm starting to like cats?"  
  
Buffy and Xander sat in silence as Willow finished her rant, exhaling deeply, looking at the pair with an expectant expression on her face, waiting for an answer. Buffy shook her head. "Will, maybe you shouldn't eat any more chocolate. And what's with the cats?"  
  
Willow shrugged. "I don't know, I always liked dogs because they were so dopey and loveable and playful, like Xander..."  
  
"Hey," he said putting down his drink, shooting both girls a look when Buffy started to laugh, "I am not dopey... am I?"  
  
Buffy patted his hand, "Its an endearing quality."  
  
Willow shrugged, apologetic. "Sorry Xander."  
  
Buffy laughed. "Anyway Wills, what about cats?"  
  
"Right. Well I always liked dogs, but now, cuz I'm a witch and all, do you think that I should start to like them? I mean they always used to scare me, being all pouncy and hissy and dangerous with the biting and scratching. But, I mean there's a beauty in them right? They're strong, stealthy with a grace to them that makes you have to watch them. Why are cats associated with witches anyway? Why not bats? Bats are suppose to be like Vampires, but I don't see it, they're more like cats than witches are." She broke off when she noticed the blank stares her friends both shared. She blushed, picking up the glass of pop that they had ordered for her. She smiled. "So, what's new with you guys?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Graham smiled when he saw her, red hair glowing in the morning light. She was waiting for him, they made the 'date' at the party, meeting for breakfast at the coffee shop that was nestled in the center of main street, a common meeting place for the youth of Sunnydale. He sat down lightly, tapping her on the shoulder, surprising her with his presence.  
  
She smiled at him. "Hey you, you're early."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "If I'm early, then what are you?"  
  
"Lacking a social life," she said lightly, her mood light. She had avoided the Scoobies, and by that Spike, managing to push her guilt aside for a moment and indulging in the happiness that seemed to be coming off of the man beside her in waves. "So," she asked feeling herself getting giddy, "How did last night go?"  
  
"Great, and you were right... Tara is a great girl."  
  
Willow slapped his hand good naturedly in an 'I-told-you-so' manner. "See? Match maker Willow strikes again. Do you like her?"  
  
"Yeah. We're going out again tonight for an early, pre sunset dinner. I told Riley that I'd help hang out with him tonight."  
  
"Does he know about Tara?"  
  
Graham shook his head. "Nope, I think he's still helping Buffy in trying to set you and me up. Speaking of you," he laughed at her raised eyebrow, "Nice segway huh? Anyway, Tara told me about your sexual indiscretions. She didn't know how to help you, she thought that I might."  
  
She looked down, her good mood starting to falter. "And do you?"  
  
He shrugged, "Not really. But I can offer you something that no other guy in this world can."  
  
"And what's that? Armed protection?"  
  
"Well, that's part of it, the other part is my ear, and my shoulder, if you ever need someone to talk or cry to outside your circle, someone who'll never judge you, know that I'm here."  
  
She grasped his hand gently with an appreciative smile. "Thank you, you really are a sweet guy. So, Mr. Sweety, what do you have planned for Tara tonight?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy and Spike faced off, glaring at one another, the other occupants in the room silent, Anya and Xander eating popcorn like they were watching a movie or wrestling, Giles looking up, thankful when Willow came in, surprised confusion, mixed with paranoid fear washing over her.  
  
"Please Giles," Buffy whined, "Please let me stake him! Ooh, even better, can I slip some holy water into his blood?" She cracked an evil grin. "Then I can watch him burn from the inside out."  
  
Spike looked away from Buffy for a second, raking a long glance over Willow before his expression turning grim. "Well Slayer, you actually came up with an idea that's almost evil, I'm proud." He said smugly before sitting down on the couch, on the other end to where Willow had settled, grabbing the remote and flicking through the channels, leaving Buffy standing, mouth agape, still fuming.  
  
"Hey! I wasn't finished!" She slumped into a chair, with a pouty huff. "That's not fair, I'm the slayer."  
  
"So, Miss Slayer goddess," Willow tried to joke, focusing on her friend, making sure her gaze didn't drift to the vampire who could be seen through her peripheral vision, "What's up for tonight?"  
  
Buffy's face lit up. "The usual, but I'm bringing in some reinforcements tonight."  
  
Xander sat forward. "Who?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Riley said that it's been slow for his men lately at the Initiative, so he's coming over later to help with patrol."  
  
Willow's forehead crinkled. "But Graham said that he was hanging out with Riley tonight."  
  
Buffy hid a mischievous grin. "Oh, when were you talking to Graham?"  
  
Willow shot a glance to Buffy's musical tone. "This morning, we had breakfast in town."  
  
Spike sat back, not knowing what to make of the news that Willow, his by many rights, was out seeing Graham, one of the commandos that stole from him his way of life. He growled lightly, noting that only the witch seemed to notice.  
  
Buffy moved to sit on the end of the couch, smiling hopefully at her friend. "So, are there any sparks? Are you going to marry and name your first born after me?" She poked the redhead lightly with her elbow, "Come on, I want details."  
  
Spike growled standing up, annoyed that the slayer wouldn't shut up, slamming the remote onto the coffee table. "And some of us don't bloody well care!' With a final growl he grabbed his duster and moved to the door, pushing threw as Riley and Graham appeared behind it. "Bloody wankers need to sod the hell off and die already," he grumbled stalking off into the night.  
  
Riley looked confused as he came in, pointing to where Spike had just left, "What's with him?"  
  
Anya poked at him with a handful of popcorn. "He's not getting his orgasms."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
She felt like nothing more than falling into a warm tub then drifting into a dreamless sleep. She supposed that was why she had decided upon going to her parent's house for the night instead of going back to the dorms. That and because she didn't want to listen to Buffy talk about her perfect love life with Riley when her own could be described as being somewhere between floundering and a serious case of necrophilia. Sighing, she tossed her keys on the table in the darkened foyer before turning on the main lights in the living room, gasping when Spike's form was outlined in the kitchen doorway. She could tell, even with him in the shadows, that he was not pleased.  
  
She swallowed hard, remembering as he stepped from the shadows, his eyes cold, the last time he looked that mean she ended up with a broken bottle in her face, and not wanting a repeat of the incident, taking a step back, not knowing what else to do. "S-Spike?"  
  
"Are you afraid of me luv?" He asked in a low tone, stalking towards her, pleased to find that she backed away with just as much fear as he showed power. He inhaled deeply when she found herself trapped between the wall and the fireplace, smelling the fear mixed arousal that came off her in waves. He snickered; so she liked it rough, he could give it to her, he could make her quiver beneath him, whimper from pain-filled pleasure. He could claim her in a way no other could, he could ruin her for all others. He looked her over hungrily, thinking easily of dozens of ways he could make her his, make it so she bore his mark forever.  
  
Willow swallowed hard as he leered at her, his eyes roaming over her freely as he slowly came up to her, covering her with his shadows, overbearing her with his presence, his power. She felt naked before him, helpless. And, god forbid, she wanted him, she wanted him in a way she had never known, even as the filth of that thought made her want to be sick, she wished he'd do nothing more than take her right there, against the wall, make her feel the damnation that she knew she was doomed to.  
  
He smiled again when she licked her lips, her cheeks flushed, eyes drifting shut, head tilted slightly, neck bared to him. He leaned over, his lips hovering over the offered flesh, goose bumps rising up from her exposed skin, as his cool breath washed down upon it. He swallowed hard, fighting back the urge to bite her, knowing that there would be time for that later, when she would beg for it. He choked back a laugh when she whimpered, his hands lightly running up and down her sides, teasing her. He had her where he wanted her.  
  
With a growl he pinned her hands above her head, his eyes on icy fire boring into hers, growing large with renewed fear. He looked her over again, a pleased smile upon his face, "You want me," he again growled, allowing his demon to show through, "But do you want all of me?" He pulled her towards him by her neck, her pulse throbbing beneath his strong grip, crushing her to his chest. "Could you handle this part of me, sinking into you, buried to the hilt," he shook her slightly when she started to cry, "Go back to your commando boy, Pet, maybe he can sooth you." He pushed her away from him, slamming his fist against the wall when she slammed into the arm of the couch.  
  
She flinched, eyes held tightly closed during Spike's harsh words, his coldness, only to be shoved away... again. Tears falling from her eyes as she hit the couch, she turned, sitting on the arm, breathing hard. She inhaled a long, haggard breath as she tried to wipe her eyes, "Why are you doing this to me?"  
  
He straightened his back and turned to face her, his forehead again smooth, his eyes almost black in colour. He swallowed hard, "Because you let me. You give me the power, luv, and all I can do with it is hurt you."  
  
She paused a moment, eyes roaming the room, trying to find something to tie her to reality, finding only questions in its stead. "Do you want to hurt me?"  
  
He smiled, lip pouted, stride confident, as he stalked over to her once more, frowning when she flinched as he brought his hand up once more, gently wiping her hair from her face, cupping her cheek slightly. "I want to turn you luv, make something that's mine." Her eyes shot open, looking at him with fear as he leaned in and kissed her lips softly. "But having your body for a time will have to do."  
  
He kissed her again, harshly this, pleased to find that she responded just as intensely in kind. Once he felt the scent of her arousal reach him, snickering he pulled away. "Until then."  
  
She watched blankly as he left, not knowing what she had gotten herself into. Hearing the door slam shut she fell to her knees, them being too weak to hold her, her heart weighing her down. Without thinking past her own hurt she reached for the phone, quickly dialling the number of the only person she thought she could confide in, the one person who knew her well enough to understand. Exhaling deeply, trying to calm herself, she waited until the object of her thoughts answered the phone before breaking down in tears again. "Hi, can-can you come over... I'm at my parents... I've done something stupid..." 


	13. Part 13 He knows

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 13  
  
Willow swayed slightly in her chair, knees tucked tightly to her chest, using the motions to tease her, to simulate the comfort that she wished she had. Sighing heavily, as fear overtook her, her head shot towards the door, where there was a worried knocking making it shake almost as badly as she was.  
  
"Come in," she called weakly, looking back to the T.V., where lines dancing together to a buzz of song was being played. She didn't look up when he came in, knowing her house almost as well as his own, and hurrying straight to the couch, his chocolate eyes ablaze with worry. She smiled slightly, filled with sadness and regret, as tears again dared to fall. "Hey Xander, what's up?"  
  
He dared not touch her, not knowing what to do, not having seen his best friend in such a state since they were nine and her first goldfish died. "What is it Wills. You're phone call seriously wigged me out."  
  
"I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear me complain anymore, and don't worry, its not about Oz," she broke off, wiping a tear away, "not totally anyway." She stopped again when Xander reached out with blank expression and moved fully the hair she had teasingly pushed aside away from her neck, revealing to the lightening world outside bruises that were beginning to make themselves known upon her skin.  
  
He swallowed hard, wondering with silent fear, what else upon her was bruising as well as the source of her tears. "Wills," he said biting back his growing anger and swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, "What happened?"  
  
She shied away from his tender touch, not wanting to remember the way it at one time made her feel. "Do you remember last year, when we discovered at the totally wrong time that we liked each other, and we ended up doing things that left us all hurt, in the long run especially. You and Cordy broke up, Oz never truly trusted me, using what happened between you and me as an excuse for cheating, and we, we never were as close after that. That's what I regret the most, that we weren't able to talk like we did before, share everything with each other, knowing that whatever was said between us, would never spread any farther than us. I never realized until this year, just how much I truly needed it in my life." She looked down, shrugging slightly.  
  
"Willow, I'm not following here. What does this have to do with that bruise on your neck or about why you called me up crying your heart out?"  
  
She smiled at him; she loved him unlike any other, his innocence that came from being jaded, and his child-like nature that came from getting older in a place where you're not meant to grow old. It was his way of coping, of trying to keep himself alive, and by that, the rest of them. She missed him even though he was sitting before her, open to hear her heart's broken wants. "I can't tell you Xander, not the you that you've become after Spike held us in the factory, I need the you that I could tell anything to. Can you be that Xander? The Xander I can trust with the truth without telling anyone?"  
  
Xander closed his eyes, wishing that she would get to the point. "Willow!"  
  
She immediately looked down, tears taking their place in her eyes, her throat tightening, knowing that if she didn't say it right then, she never would. "I slept with Spike."  
  
Xander froze, not sure he heard right, fearing that he had. "W- Wha...?"  
  
Tears started to fall; not being able to bring herself to look at the disappointment that she was sure was on his face. "I had sex with Spike."  
  
Xander was at a loss for words, his blank, his face paling at the shock; searching his mind he asked the first thing, the only thing, his consciousness could latch onto. "Why?"  
  
Expecting the question, yet not knowing the answer fully for herself, she shrugged, tears again starting to form. "I don't know, I guess... he understood what I felt, he knows, he feels it too. He knows the stabbing that makes it hurt to breath, the betrayal that makes you want to scream and the love that leaves you aching because its dying and you with it. He knew." Silent tears fell again, down the trek that they have grown to know so well, one that made the woman they belonged to innocent and beautiful in a way that only despair brought. "He watched over me as I cried, Xander, he was protecting me, he didn't have to say a word... no one else did that, no one cared, no one wanted to feel my pain. He already knew it." A sob choked her, making her stop, swallowing hard, focusing her pain, her energy. "I felt safe with him, understood, I wasn't alone. It's been SO long since I've felt that. Even before Oz left, I knew he wasn't really there; he was elsewhere, with a love I could never know. Ours couldn't last. Mine never can, it's never enough." She paused, gaining a shaking breathe, and found the strength to put into words a truth that hurting made her believe. "Everybody I love leaves me."  
  
He sighed, feeling stupid that he hadn't seen the source of her pain earlier, it wasn't Oz, it had started long before the werewolf left, that only served to put the last nail in the coffin, it only pushed finished pushing her over the edge that he had teetered over for so long. It made her give up, made her let go, allowed her to fall. He tried to catch her then, hoping that it wasn't too late. "Wills, I never left you."  
  
"Yes you did. You're with Anya now Xander, and I'm glad, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you have someone that loves you. Its just hard, to see you moving on with your life, without me, beyond our friendship. Especially when that friendship is the only thing in the world that I've got left."  
  
He sighed again. "Christ Will," he said standing up, no longer able to sit helplessly by. He started to pace, his hands showing his anxiousness. "Why Spike? Couldn't it have been anybody else? Someone alive? Someone who hasn't tried to kill us?" He fell beside her, the look on his face reminding her of the child he no longer was, but on some level longed to remain.  
  
She cracked a small smile. "That's a short list in this town." She grew somber when he stared at her, not sharing in her attempt for humour. She looked down, trying her best to be honest with him, and while she was at it, also with herself. "I don't know why it was Spike. He was being nice and everything, even having ice cream and a rant about love with me. Then the next thing I knew, it was different, BAM, I realized," she let a small smile creep across her lips at the thought of the blond vampire, one that Xander saw and feared, "I noticed his eyes. Have you ever seen them? I mean really?"  
  
"Not that I care to remember."  
  
She ignored him, her smile not faltering at his chide. "They knew; pain, betrayal..."  
  
"Unspeakable evil," he cut in.  
  
"...They knew all that I was feeling, and they were still strong, they were beautiful Xander." Her smile grew as she looked at her oldest friend. "I found hope within the jaded nature, the eternal blue. Hope that tomorrow I won't feel like dying, that I'll remember why I loved being alive."  
  
He wiped her cheek dry. "Did you remember? Did you find your hope?"  
  
She shook her head, crying again, falling into his awaiting arms, "No. I think I've done something stupid."  
  
"Something beyond having sex with an enemy? Even an impotent one?"  
  
Ignoring his bait, his attempt to deter her from saying what he feared, that she loved the soulless monster, she nodded into his chest. "I think I need him, like a drug, to help me forget. And it's a bad one because I feel dirty for doing it, awful for betraying my friends, but I can't stop myself, you know? Goddess, every time I see him, hear him, smell him even, I cave, I ache, and I need him to take that away. He makes me feel something other than broken."  
  
They sat silently together then, his mind wheeling, spinning, trying to make it through the tornado of information that she had just revealed to him, his hand moving by instinct, soothing her in circles on her back, as she quietly wept.  
  
It was a moment before any sense was made for him, and when it was, his fear for her grew. He sighed after a long moment of thought, of soul searching and moral contemplation. "Will, promise me something."  
  
"I'll try," she said pulling away to look at him, wiping her own cheeks dry. "What?"  
  
"Don't fall in love with him." He rolled his eyes at her surprised expression, as though the idea came from out of the blue. "You do that and I promise that I won't tell anyone." He grinned when she kissed his cheek. "So, who all knows?"  
  
Willow thought a moment, her mind feeling too sleepy to want to work properly. "Graham and Tara, kind of. They don't know its Spike." She was silent a moment, before her face lost all expression, except for her eyes, which were ever hopeful. "So, you won't tell Buffy?"  
  
He shook his head. "Naw, not if you don't want me too. Just don't get hurt and I won't get Spike dusted."  
  
"Xander, the chip... he can't hurt me," she told him even as her hand moved to her tender neck. She had briefly wondered why his chip never went off when he held her; maybe he never meant to do her any physical harm.  
  
He almost laughed at her naive nature, almost, the situation was too grave, too much was at risk for him to actually think of doing so. "I didn't mean physical harm Will. When you love someone, you love with every part of you; your entire being feels it to your core. I don't want to see Spike use that against you." He paused, looking away from her when the clock on the mantel, now cracked from Spike's fist, chimed. "Are you going to be alright? Anya will get worried if I'm not home soon." She nodded, closing her eyes when he kissed her forehead softly. "Goodnight Will, see you tomorrow."  
  
She sighed, watching him leave with a blank expression, going over in her head what he had just said. A sad smile formed on her face as she looked to the window and the night sky beyond. "When he loves its with everything he has too..." 


	14. Part 14 tehehe, brave

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 14  
  
She avoided his eye, ashamed that she broke down and told Xander about what happened between her and the vampire sitting not ten feet away, well aware of the harsh and somewhat deadly looks that her best friend was sending towards the object of her thoughts, shame filling her at the thought that she still wanted him, even after what he did to her. Subconsciously her hand went to her throat, there were no marks, thanks to magic, the right shirt and a good foundation, and she felt a lump grow in her throat, angry at herself, her weakness and for letting things get this far.  
  
"Um Willow?"  
  
Her head jerked up, a blush finding its way to her cheeks, unaware until that moment that she had been staring off into space, while her focus had been upon the very vampire that was sending her into thoughts that was better left for another time. "Huh?" She looked around, her attention drifting between Xander, who looked ready to kill something and Buffy, who had a raised eyebrow aimed in her direction. "Sorry, I think too much." Her blush darkening, she cleared her throat, resolve face falling into place, "What were you saying?"  
  
"All I was saying was that because of the sudden increase in activity last night, we should all go out on patrol," the smile she wore grew as she looked at her boyfriend, there again with Graham. "Riley and I will take the central cemeteries."  
  
Xander sat up, "Willow and me can take the east ones."  
  
Buffy shook her head, "No Xander, I want you and Anya to take the down town, Graham and Giles can take campus and the west cemeteries while Willow and Spike take the east."  
  
Xander shook his head, not wanting to see her friend alone with the vampire who left her in the state that he found her in the night before. "What? Why them?"  
  
She sighed, "Because Xander, Willow can use her magic to help fighting and Spike can protect her and get out all his frustrations on the demons." She shot the vamp a look; "I wouldn't want to see him with pent up emotions, if he has them." She looked back to Xander, "Besides, do YOU want to go with him?"  
  
Swallowing back an insult, catching Willow's worried expression, he shook his head, "No."  
  
"Good," she said with a pleased grin, jumping down from where she was perched on the table, "Lets get going."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
They walked in awkward silence, one thick and overhanging, causing Willow to want nothing more than to flee. She looked around, wishing for a distraction that seemed unlikely to come. She sighed, her gaze coming to rest on the vampire she was finding herself ever drawn to, the one she was growing ever more afraid of and the one she wanted with every inch of herself. "I thought Buffy said it was going to be busy?"  
  
She swallowed hard when he suddenly stopped, silently surveying his surroundings. He growled, pulling her to him protectively as a familiar scent washed over him. Looking around, finding mixed within the unpleasant odour a number of heartbeats, noticing even with his attention on the ever- nearing threat, that she had flinched under his grip.  
  
Her breath caught as he grabbed her, eyes closing as fear filled her. She swallowed when she heard another growl escape him, and looking at him she saw that he was looking off into the distance. "What is it?" She asked looking around, trying to see what was worrying the vampire.  
  
He shushed her, trying to listen to what lay beyond her pulse point, growing frantic, close enough to touch, right then a threat to them both. "Shit," he swore as he the figures in the distance came into focus, pulling her along with him, finding shelter in the nearest crypt, blocking the door before moving to the window.  
  
"What is it?" She asked again, standing beside him, "Demons?"  
  
He glanced at her with a mocking laugh, "Humans. Bloody pounces think themselves to be slayers," together they watched as a group of youths passed by the crypt window, wreathes of garlic around their necks with stakes and crosses held in nervous grips. He looked at her, "Didn't want to get stuck in the crossfire." Shrugging he took off his duster, throwing it on the cement slab, long forgotten, in the middle of the room before sitting on it with a huff. "Most Vampires will smell 'em coming though, miles away."  
  
She looked away from the window, hugging herself tightly. "Are Vampires really repelled by garlic?"  
  
"Bloody hell no Luv, but do you like garlic?"  
  
She let out a small laugh. "Fair enough. So, how long will we be stuck in here?"  
  
"Until they give up, go away. They're like the bloody commandos, only less sodding annoying. "They don't really care who they stake; figure, you're out in the cemetery at night, you're a vampire. They're the same everywhere you go."  
  
She nodded, moving slowly to sit down beside him. "Have you been everywhere?"  
  
"Just about. Blood, it tastes different everywhere you go; and Pet, diversity is the spice of life."  
  
She smiled slightly, a longing sigh escaping her. "I wish I could go anywhere, be anything. Sometimes I think the freedom would be nice: to just let go, be someone else."  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her, studying her carefully. "Who would you want to be Pet? The slayer?"  
  
"Buffy? No, just like her I guess."  
  
"Stupid?"  
  
She shot him a look. "No. Brave, beautiful... I don't know, just different."  
  
He laughed. "You're sitting here, in a crypt in the middle of the bloody night, with a vampire with whom you are holding a conversation with instead of merely shitting yourself and cowering in the corner. You're brave."  
  
Swallowing hard, looking down, she slid towards him slightly. "Not really. Buffy goes after what she wants, she takes it," a blush spread through her as she placed a quivering hand lightly on her knee, fear making it and her voice shake. "I want to be like that, I want to be THAT kind of brave." Her blush deepened at his blank expression.  
  
He was still a moment, feeling her pulse through her physical contact, fighting the urge to take her right there before looking into the growing fear glimmering in her already sparkling eyes. He leaned back slightly; his face painted with a silent dare, "Then be brave..." 


	15. Part 15 bam chicka bam bammmm

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 15  
  
He watched her closely, the quiver in her breathes, wondering if she was going to go through with his challenge. He almost smiled when she gulped, but didn't dare, his attention on her cheeks and the blush that was filling them, making him wonder what colour her heart was, her blood, if he could actually see the innocence held within it. He reached up, and with the lightest touch, amazed at the goose bumps it raised, the heat that was the witch, he moved her hair behind her ear, her skin milky light, what an angel's must be.  
  
She leaned into his touch, craving more than the light graze against her warming skin. Inhaling deeply, she knew that he wouldn't give her what she wanted, he wouldn't take her mind off her world, he was making her do it for herself. She gulped, she only ever once started it, and she was turned down for her efforts, but looking in his eyes, blue and deep and understanding with a power restrained, looking into her, she knew that he wouldn't push her away, not until they both got what they needed.  
  
With that in mind, her hand quivering, matching her breath, shallow and mechanical, pained into existence, into keeping it steady, moved to his head, turning it slightly, leaning in, her own eyes following his in closing slightly, before claiming his lips in a kiss, soft and scared, unsure of her movements, worried to his reaction.  
  
Feeling him respond just as lightly to her kiss, she shivered, pulling away with a blush. She looked at him, his expression amused. "What?"  
  
He smiled lightly, "This is your brave? You face demons every day without faltering and here a little kiss has you scared witless."  
  
She frowned, blushing harder still. "I'm afraid when I face demons... I-I just use that fear to do what I have to do," she finished, gazing into his knowing expression. She almost laughed, but decided on another route instead. Still shaking she stood up, kissing him hard on the lips as she straddled him. As she sunk into his lap, her arms around his head and neck, nails digging in slightly as she massaged his head, trying to pull him even closer, his arms instinctively snaked around her, one hand moving up under her shirt, caressing her back, the other grasping her hips, grinding her into him. She pulled back with a hiss, feeling him respond to her, needing air, instincts she never knew she had taking over, squirming in his lap, moving, finding pleasure in the friction between them, her head dropping to his shoulder, her hands wandering on their own accord over him, her teeth nibbling his shoulder, her breathing strained.  
  
He kissed her neck hungrily, his hand finding its way to her breasts, hard and yearning for his touch. He smiled into her milk soft skin, "Never be too afraid to act luv."  
  
She smiled at him pulling away, sitting straight, her grin turning mischievous as she pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it aside, before doing the same to his own T-Shirt. With her hands on his chest, she pushed him back so he was lying on the crypt, her still a top of him, moving her fingers to his stomach breathing lightly on his skin before kissing just above the waist of his jeans, watching him watch her, hands clenched to stop himself from moving. With another smile, her fear starting to leave, the butterflies within her stomach turning into a flame of passion, she licked slowly up his chest to his nipples, which she nibbled and licked and teased with a light yet demanding touch.  
  
Fists and jaw clenched he watched in restrained wonder as she sent wave after wave of her own fiery heat through him, her hips grinding against his own, her hands wondering over his sides and stomach, teasing the waist of his jeans, her tongue and teeth putting him through wondrous torture, and her eyes soaking in his reaction. He couldn't fight the growl that escaped his throat, it making her continue her attentions all the more; and he wanted nothing more in that moment than to flip them and end this sweet torment. But the part of him that loved being punished held out, seeing what other tortures the small vixen had planned.  
  
She nibbled her way from his chest to his neck, his head throwing back when she bit lightly on his ear. She felt so alive, burning passion and control, she felt in charge of what was going on around her. She was not sorry for this, she was no longer angry that she had let herself turn to him for help, she found within him what she needed in life, a fresh start, a teacher, a friend, a companion and someone who wanted the same comfort as she did. Running her teeth along his jaw, pinching his chin lightly with a playful grin, she kissed him, running her tongue along his, before pulling at his bottom lip, bringing him with her into a sitting position.  
  
It was there that she pulled her skirt up out of her way, before, with her fears being melted away by the passions of his kiss, the reassurance found there, she undid his pants, pushing them down as far as she could before manoeuvring her, as easily as she could for her first time on top, in that position, and lowered herself onto him, swallowing his hiss at her heat.  
  
She was so hot he both feared to touch her yet wanted to drown in her, giving in, he pulled her closer, moving in his thrust to meet hers, he knew that she must be what the sun feels like after a storm, warm, inviting, and brighter and warmer than any other. He pulled away to look at her, pushing her hair out of her face, and meeting her eyes.  
  
The feel of his hand on her face caused her to open her eyes, something that she had almost been too afraid to do. Inhaling a ragged, strained breath she met his eyes, smiling slightly, before leaning her forehead against his, concentrating on the feelings that were building within her, echoing within him, wishing that he would make her whole, do something that she had always wondered about, read often about, but was always too fearful to wish aloud.  
  
"Spike," she gasped, feeling herself building, "Bite me."  
  
His eyes shot open, his demon suddenly fighting harder for control. It had felt like forever since he had had human blood, and looking at her, he saw her innocent wonder even as she had sex with a vampire, a question, a desire that seemed to touch her core, and he knew that he couldn't deny her, even if he really wanted too. Giving in slightly to the pull that his demon always made, he allowed his game face to show through, pulling her into him, feeling her excitement as his ridges brushed against her skin. Closing his eyes tightly shut, he bit down, sending them both into ecstasy.  
  
He allowed himself to feed for a moment—to bathe in the wonder of her passion filled blood before reining in his demon, now as far-gone on his Red as the rest of him was.  
  
She collapsed against him as he kissed the spot that his mark now resided. Her breathing was unsteady and ragged, a small smile on her face. Her arms around his neck relaxing, she allowed him to take over then to pull them back against the stone crypt. She settled softly against him, enjoying the silence around them, her arm, no longer shaking draping across his stomach, echoing the circles he was making on her back and arm upon his chest.  
  
They laid there a moment in sweet silence, her heart beat the only sound either of them were aware of, before she looked up at him, meeting his eyes, his hand moving naturally to sweep her hair behind her ear. "So that's being brave?"  
  
He nodded, "That luv, is being brave. How does it feel?"  
  
"Exhausting."  
  
He laughed slightly. "Well part of that is bravery and the rest of it is lack of blood. You should only feel a little tired by tomorrow."  
  
She reached to the back of her neck, where her shoulder, back and neck meet and found with tender precision the two holes that were already beginning to clot. "It hurts," she winced. "Why is it so far back?"  
  
He shrugged. "Didn't want the Scoobies to see it," he admitted moving her hair to get another look at his mark, "It will be tender for a couple of days." He gingerly ran a finger over it, watching with a solace expression as she smiled. "Are you sorry you asked me too?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, it's a part of you, I know that. Besides, you didn't mean to hurt me, no headache, remember?"  
  
Nodding, hating that he wished for that moment to last forever, knowing that she could never be his, he sat up, fastening his pants as he did so. "Come on, we better get going, don't want the others to worry, do we?"  
  
She frowned as he handed her her shirt. She looked at it as she shrugged. "Guess not. They might start thinking that you've hurt me, and come baring stakes." The comment suddenly reminded her of the guilt she was feeling from earlier in the night, coming from what happened the night before. Her heart skipped a beat; she looked to Spike wondering if he noticed.  
  
He did. "What's wrong?"  
  
She looked down. "I'm sorry Spike, I did something yesterday that I probably shouldn't have." She looked around, sighing; somewhat surprised that she no longer had any more tears to cry over her mistakes.  
  
Somewhat afraid of the possibilities, knowing first hand the lengths his Red went to when she was upset, he sat down beside her. "What?"  
  
"Last night, after you, well after you left my parent's place. I was so upset and scared and ashamed and lost, I called Xander, I needed help." She looked at him, shrugging with a sigh. "I told him that we had sex." She smiled slightly not knowing what else to do. "He told me, after a little bit of disbelief, that he wouldn't tell anyone, as long as I..."  
  
"As long as you ended it?"  
  
She looked at him, surprised. "What? No, as long as I didn't fall in love with you, as long as I didn't get hurt."  
  
With mixed feelings he stood up. The situation had a familiar ring to it, it seemed that he always found himself drawn to women who could never love him, but at least this time, he knew this before hand. Now only to make sure that he could never love her either. He moved to the crypt's door, opening it, jaw clenched, not looking at her. "Come on Pet, let's get going... and leave this place behind." 


	16. Part 16 Mr Testosterone

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 16  
  
Everyone looked up when the pair came in, the tension in the air suddenly leaving as Buffy went to her, hugging her. "Thank God, I was getting worried."  
  
Spike, a lit cigarette between his lips scoffed as he took his duster off and threw it aside. "Right, probably too busy with your soldier boy to notice Red was gone." He said sitting down.  
  
Buffy shot him a look before again focusing on the blushing redhead. "What happened? Xander was about to throw a fit."  
  
Willow looked over at her best friend, a knowing sneer on his face. Crinkling her forehead slightly she looked to the floor. "Well..."  
  
"Oh bloody hell," Spike almost snarled looking away from the television, "We ran into a bunch of happy meals who thought themselves slayers. Had to hide out, they don't much care who they stake."  
  
Buffy looked to Willow for conformation. The witch smiled and nodded. "Yeah, and they're probably the reason we didn't see any other action." Her eyes darted to Xander when he huffed, looking away. "But, anyway, what'd we miss?"  
  
"Nothing too much, just a bunch of kids that don't when to leave," Buffy said moving to sit down. "One of the bastards tried to stake me."  
  
"Pity he missed," Spike mumbled as he moved to the kitchen, wanting to get something to eat.  
  
"What was that Spike?" Buffy threatened.  
  
Spike took the cigarette that was hanging from between his lips away, shooting the slayer a look that he wished would kill. "I bloody well said..."  
  
Willow interrupted him, not in a mood to listen to another fight. "Why don't we call it a night? Pick things up tomorrow?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The next day came quickly, almost too much so, for most of the Scoobies. While Riley was helping Buffy study, meaning they would make a light patrol before they went to bed, Anya had an old friend from her demon days over and Xander had insisted that she take the night off from research. So, that meant that only Willow, Giles, Xander and Spike were in the small apartment, all aware of the tension, well, all minus Giles who assumed that it was merely childish antics that he didn't want to bother himself with. They were all quiet, something unusual for the brunet youth who spent most of his night glancing between Willow and Spike.  
  
Spike was more than aware of Xander's glares, and was annoyed. At first he tried to amuse himself with staring right back at the pasty youth, only to find that he was so wrapped up in his own ponderings that Xander failed to notice the death stare being aimed upon him. So, giving up with a sigh, Spike rose with a silent curse of boredom, moving to fix himself something to eat before he decided that chip or no, Xander was going to be lunch.  
  
Xander paused a moment, inhaling deeply, before following Spike into the kitchen, leaning against the doorsill, watching as the Vampire went about heating up a mug of blood. It was silent a moment before Spike, sighing, annoyed, looked at the mortal behind him. "And what do you bloody well want? You aren't a poof are you?"  
  
Xander ignored the comment, looking into the room, making sure no one was listening before approaching the vampire, hands rubbing together lightly. "I know what you're doing with Willow." He said in a low tone.  
  
Spike nodded as the microwave beeped. "Yeah, I know." He took a drink from the mug. "So? You want to join in? I don't bloody well think so."  
  
Any attempt of Xander's to be coy melted away. "Hey, now, I wouldn't want to do anything with... ew, mental image. I, ew..."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes at the pounce that Xapper was ever proving himself to be. "You just wanted to warn me because that's what you Scooby types do." He waved him off with an unimpressed expression, "Makes me sick really, the way you wanks bloody well stand up for one another, you can't even stand up for yourselves." He drained the mug and put it down before leaning against the counter, arms crossed, muscles flexing subconsciously.  
  
Xander shook his head, suddenly angry, jaw clenching as he pointed at Spike. "Listen, I don't care how tough you think you may be, but proving it by hurting my friend, isn't it. She had bruises, I don't even want to know why, and she was crying. You leave any mark on her, whether bruise or bite or broken heart, and I swear that you'll end up begging for the stake." Just as he finished his threat he heard a throat clear and Spike's smug grin as he focused on it's owner told him exactly who it was. Grinning as best he could through his guilt at being caught, he turned. "Hey, Will."  
  
With a raised eyebrow she tried to stop herself from laughing, settling for a sneer. "Am I interrupting the battle of the penis's? Would you like me to get the tape measure out so you can compare biceps?"  
  
Spike grinned, "Please luv, you know that mine are bigger."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Is this how its going to be? Xander acting all macho and threatening while Spike is more cocky than usual holding this over everyone's heads?" She shook her head. "Great, thank you guys, I really appreciate it, I do." She frowned, "You know, sometimes I really wish I was gay, then hey, no more headaches."  
  
"I know a cure for headaches..." Spike began, his focus still on Xander.  
  
She threw her hands in the air. "Stop! My god, it doesn't matter how old a guy gets, he still acts like he's five and that his toy is better." She looked at Xander, "Go, please."  
  
He shook his head, "Sorry Will, no go."  
  
Rolling her eyes she huffed, tired of them both. "Fine. You know what, I'm done. Xander, I love you, and I know you mean well but stay out of this. And Spike... thank you for everything that you've done for me, you helped me more than anyone will ever know. But I can't have you holding what happened between us over my head," she looked down, "Please, don't make me do this, but, if I need too, I'll end it." She smiled sadly; looking between the two men she needed the most in the world. She waited a moment, seeing if either of them would give her any indication that such drastic measures weren't needed, when neither made any move, both looking at their shoes. Tears welling she nodded, "Fine then, Xander, I'll see you later, Spike," her throat cracked, forehead crinkled slightly, breath catching at breaking away from the man she found herself needing more with every breath she took, "Thank you... good-bye." With a harsh, unsteady exhale she turned on her heal rushing from the apartment leaving the man and the vampire to stare at one another.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Spike's jaw clenched as he swore he heard her heart break as she left. Wanting to punch something, to go after her and to damn her all in the same moment he looked to Xander who was looking at him dumbly. His anger flared. "Well? Aren't you going after her?"  
  
His face contorted in confusion, "But?"  
  
Spike's eyes rolled. "She should be followed by someone who she loves," eyes looking away he swallowed hard. "Someone who can love her back."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Xander found her outside, hugging herself tightly, staring into the stars. Not knowing what else to do he took off his outer shirt, putting it on her before shoving his hands in his pockets, playing with a stone with his foot, not looking at her.  
  
She breathed deeply, not looking at him, knowing the shame that must be in his disposition. "Do you remember when Jesse used to point out the constellations to us?" She smiled lightly at the memory of their lost friend, their first to be lost to the hellmouth and the evil it birthed. "He always said he wanted to be an astronomer. Do you think that he would have made it? He would have fulfilled his dream if he had survived?"  
  
Xander shrugged. "I try not to think about it." He admitted, still not looking at her.  
  
"After he died every morning I feared that it would be my last day, that I would lose someone that night, while I was sitting away at my computer. But I used to think about what I'd like to do if I did make it. I never knew, so I often considered taking Jesse's dream as my own. But then Oz came along and again I was only focused on today, about being happy, of losing someone. And then I lost him, and I really stopped caring if I made it at all." Inhaling deeply she looked at him, her eyes a somber blaze of relentless green fire, echoed in her spirit, shown in her smile. "Now, I care again, what happens to me, what happens to you, to Anya, Giles, Buffy, Riley, Graham, Tara..."  
  
"Spike?"  
  
She shrugged, looking down, thinking a moment. "I don't know. I worry about him, that he is slowly slipping away, going against who he is, made into a lap dog. That isn't who he is. But, the rest of the time, I know that I don't have to. He's stronger than he even gives himself credit for, and he has so much passion and innocence. I read about him, do you know that he's never been loved? Not fully, not for who he is. I connected with that I guess. And I can't help but think of how sad that must be, living like that, for so long, being so empty of what we should all have our fill of. I saw myself inside of him."  
  
Smiling at her honesty, her pain, her heart, he rubbed her shoulder gently. "Willow, you are something else. But know, that we feel the same about you. Your heart, it is so beautiful, it shines through into every one of us. You are our beacon of hope, we see who we want to be in you. That's why I know that if any one of us has a chance on the hellmouth, it's you. I've seen you as a witch, I've seen you as a child, and I've seen you as a Vampire, and they're all you, every version is beautiful, has the spirit that will endure. I'm sorry that I don't tell you this more often."  
  
She smiled wider as he kissed her gently on the forehead. Sighing as he pulled her into a hug. "Xander, when did everything get to be about love?"  
  
"For me, since I was born." He smiled when she laughed. He rocked her back and forth before pulling away and looking at her. "Spike would be stupid if he didn't care about you. I mean he IS stupid, but he'd be more to break your heart."  
  
She kissed his cheek lightly, "Be nice, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have a heart left to break."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Spike watched as everyone left, Graham and Xander walking Willow home while Buffy and Anya left talking about some sort of fuzzy lingerie. He sighed a thankful relief before looking to the watcher, studying him carefully.  
  
It took only a moment before Giles stood straight from where he was tidying the books that were strewn across the table, his glasses twirling between his fingers, turning to look at the vampire. "What is it Spike?"  
  
The bleach blond shrugged, looking at his no longer black fingernails. "Just thinking, of what it was like to be that bloody young."  
  
Giles, abandoning the mess on the table in light of getting a drink of scotch instead, nodded. "They certainly hold a lot of energy," he admitted handing Spike a glass before sitting down, thankful for a conversation with someone, anyone, who was old enough to remember the 70's. "Makes you feel young at times, and in others, bloody old."  
  
"Well, can't feel much older Mate. I remember when kids their age were married and considered all grown up." Shaking his head, he finished off the glass, wanting to drown away, forgetting his problems with them. "Bloody hell I miss them days, not only for the killing. Things were so much simpler. You were born, grew up, contributed to society, got married, had kids, and then became somebody's dinner. None of this love bullocks that seems to muck up the works." He sighed as Giles filled up both their glasses. He looked that the watcher, holding up his glass. "To simpler times."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Giles smiled as Willow came in, thankful that the girl could come on such short notice. Spike, on the other hand scowled. "Bloody hell, Rupert, I don't need a bloody baby sitter, it's the bleeding day time out, what am I going to do when you're away?"  
  
Giles rolled his eyes, looking at the vampire who hadn't stopped complaining since he overheard the watcher calling the witch asking her to come over so that he could go out without having to worry about Spike. He took off his glasses. "Well you could destroy my house, couldn't you? I won't have that." He looked at Willow, not noticing as she shifted nervously from one foot to another, uncomfortable about her surroundings. "Now, I'll only be gone a couple hours, if he does anything... well just anything call me at this number." He finished handing her a piece of paper.  
  
"Ah, no threats of being staked? Rupert, I'm touched."  
  
Giles rolled his eyes, rubbing her shoulder gently, pleased to see that she no longer looked as pale as she did only a week before. "I'll be back as soon as I can, thank you for doing this."  
  
She smiled at him, "Don't worry about it, I know that you need a break from him. We'll be fine." She assured him before watching as he left. She sighed heavily when the door shut, turning around to see Spike staring at her from the couch. She looked away. "Hello Spike," she said with a nervous shrug.  
  
"Pet," he said still watching her. "How you've been?"  
  
She laughed, looking at him suddenly. "Can we just get past this? Its over between us, lets face it, because I can't dwell on it any more." She reached into her bag, pulling out three movies and a bag of gummy bears, "I brought you some movies, blood and gore and everything the clerk at the store assured that Vampire types like in a film, it should keep you occupied until Giles get back, I have some work to do." She tossed the movies on the couch before moving to the table, hurriedly going about setting up her laptop.  
  
He looked between the titles and the girl, pushing aside anything that he might want to say, settling for a smile instead. "You actually told the bloke it was for a vampire?"  
  
Rolling her eyes she looked at him. "No, I told him you enjoyed the occult and vampiresk behaviours. He seemed to understand."  
  
"Thanks Willow." He said, only to have her cringe.  
  
"Please don't call me by my name, you never used my name before..." she broke off, collecting herself. "I'm sorry, I have work to do..." 


	17. Part 17 The End? We'll see

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I only love them with a fiery passion and longing that would probably kill me if it existed within this reality... anyway, as you can probably tell, I make no money from this, in fact my only gain is the slim hope of sanity that putting this story on hard drive allows me to cling to. Enjoy!!  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place in Season 4, right after Something Blue, Hush, Doomed (same night as Doomed end... basically he rants, they leave). Please review, critism welcome (if I don't like it... I'm sending Spike... wait, maybe not... he's mine... grrrrrrrrrrrrr to anyone who wants him).  
  
And yes, I'm a little insane... but its my edge.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Second Chance  
  
Part 17  
  
Spike watched as the watcher and slayer left, before looking to where Willow sat, typing away on her laptop, trying her best to ignore him as he looked her over from head to toe repeatedly. After a couple of moments of her not replying he sighed, getting up to heat himself some blood, whistling a tune that he had once thought he'd forgotten as he went about his task.  
  
With the tune still on his lips when he came back into the room, he arched an eyebrow when he found her looking at him. "What is it Pet?"  
  
Blushing, she looked back to the screen. "Nothing, just the song... its beautiful."  
  
He tilted his head slightly as a shrug, "Well, it was one of Dru's favourites, she was singing it as I first woke up into my eternity as her plaything."  
  
She frowned, trying to get past the awkwardness that existed between them, the space that seemed unusual now that they had been so close. "You still think about her?"  
  
He studied her a moment. "Always think about her Luv, can't spend that long with someone without them leaving something with you. She doesn't haunt my thoughts, dreams if that's what you mean."  
  
She smiled slightly, for the first time since he caught her, she looked at him, "I'm glad."  
  
With a blank expression he swallowed hard, before his forehead contorted, curiosity showing through. "What about you?"  
  
She looked down. "Same, I suppose. It doesn't hurt to look at the moon, to go to the bronze, to even breath. But, I'm starting to like cats."  
  
The last statement caught him by surprise, and he found himself wondering if every girl he was with had something wrong in the head. "What?"  
  
Her blush deepened. "Ah, nothing, its just a conversation that I had a while ago with Buffy and Xander. About cats and witches, I said that cats were more like vampires than witches and how I didn't understand why vampires are always said to be like bats. I mean the ones I know aren't. Darla and Drusilla were like a tiger and a leopard, while Angel struck me as a lion while you are kinda like a panther." She stopped when she noticed his blank smile. "What?"  
  
He shook his head, it tilting slightly, looking at her, studying her, trying to see, not for the first time, just what this girl was made of. "Do always think a lot?"  
  
"Not when I'm with you," she said before she could stop herself, blushing once more, a laugh catching in her throat, she looked back to her screen.  
  
He sat forward. "Pet? What did you mean?"  
  
"Nothing, really, I didn't mean to say it."  
  
"But you did now you better well explain the randomness of it or I'll..."  
  
"What? You'll do what? You can't hurt me?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow, letting her know with that look that he remembered the bruises that he had left upon her neck as well as the bite marks that he knew were still healing. "Care to rephrase that pet? Talk."  
  
Rolling her eyes, her fingers falling to her lap where they started to play with one another, she looked down. "Whenever I'm nervous or anything, my mind just doesn't stop thinking, when I was with Oz, it was the same, never stopped for a minute, always thinking, always rationalizing every detail of life... but when I'm with you, after we... well when I'm laying with you or near you, its quiet. I don't wonder about tomorrow, I'm in my own little world, where only we exist. I don't think, I just feel." She looked up, faced with an expression that she hadn't seen on Spike's face. She inhaled deeply as he stalked over to her, pulling her to her feet, the chair overturning.  
  
With a growl he pulled her to him, claiming her lips, his hands moving on their own over her, missing her heat, her softness, her soul. He moaned when she clung to him, feeling him, needing him just as much as he seemed to need her.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy walked up to Giles's door, having forgotten her coat. She opened it with a grin, "Hey Will..." she stopped short, her face paling, heart frantic, jaw dropped at what greeted her. Spike and Willow, her most trusted of friends were making out in Giles's front room, neither of them seeming to notice what was going on only a couple feet away.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?" She screamed after a moment, watching as they parted quickly, looking like they've been burned, Willow looking away, wiping at her lips, her face the same shade as her hair; Spike on the other hand, merely watched Willow, that was, until he found himself on the floor, the slayer on him with a stake aimed at his chest.  
  
Willow screamed a moment later as Xander, Giles and Anya came in, seeing what was keeping the slayer. "Buffy, no!"  
  
"What's going on?" Giles asked as he came into the room with the others.  
  
"He was mauling her!!" Buffy said through gritted teeth as she again raised the stake, ready to drive it through his heart when Willow came up behind her, grabbing her arm on the downward swing. The moment struggle ended when they tumbled to the floor. "Willow!" She yelled, confusion showing in her eyes.  
  
Xander, eyes clamping shut, realizing what he had been afraid to admit to himself, that the redhead's feelings for the vampire ran deeper than he would have liked, moved forward, helping his dearest friend to stand. "Buffy..." he began.  
  
The blonde's jaw dropped. "What? You knew? You knew that they were, were, I can't even think of what they were doing?" She looked to Willow. "Why?"  
  
Tears of guilt again found themselves running down the witch's cheeks, hating to see the rightful look of hurt and betrayal on her best friend's face. "I... I..." She broke off, not knowing how to explain what was going on in her head.  
  
"Buffy," Xander again tried only to be cut off by the angry slayer.  
  
"Shut up Xander! You knew and you didn't tell me, what if he, what if he killed her? You let this happen!" Tears started to well, not believing that her two most trusted, the ones she loved the most, would have gone behind her back like that, would have hidden what was going on, would have lowered themselves to sleeping with the enemy, someone who wants to kill her. That they would choose him over her.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes, "Oh sod off, its not your problem."  
  
She looked at him, her every ounce of hate and hurt and betrayal focusing upon him. "You," she moved to hit him, "You are my problem! I should have killed you long ago!" She punched him again and again, tears running down her face. When he doubled over from a sucker punch to the stomach, she leaned into him, finding herself no longer wanting to hit the vampire. Jaw clenched, she stood him up, ready again to stake him, only to find herself, before the blow could be made, blown against the floor.  
  
She looked up to see Willow before her, her eyes glowing red, before fading, leaving only regret in its stead. "I'm sorry Buffy, but I can't let you do it." She fell to her knees beside her best friend, looking into the shocked blue eyes that seemed so confused, so lost, her heart broke even more. She looked to where her other friends stood, Anya and Giles held expressions she didn't comprehend while Xander only looked sad. She started to cry, looking back at Buffy. "You don't understand, Buffy, you can't. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you..."  
  
Buffy looked at Willow in shock, never imagining what was happening, moving closer, holding the witches tear stained face between her hands. "You care about him? Don't you?" Her lip quivered when Willow nodded. "How can you care about him? H-he- he's a killer."  
  
Willow shook her head as well as she could in Buffy's grip, panicking slightly, her heart beating so quickly she feared it was going to burst, shifting nervously, wishing for nothing more than to convince her friend, to convince herself—to convince them all. "No... no, he's not... well he is," she shook her head, growing despite, "But not to me." She smiled sadly, meeting Buffy's still confused eye. "Don't you see it? I'm alive right now, I'm who I am right now, because of him. I was dying, drowning on memories, on remembrance. I couldn't move on, I lived, but only lived, I had no reason to rise above it, the pain, what I lost. Spike gave me a reason; he made me do it, made me forget, move on, but he also knew that it wasn't easy. He was there with me. I needed to be needed Buffy, and he did. He needed me as much as I needed him," she broke down, falling into Buffy's still dazed embrace. "And Goddess help me, I still do. I tried to stop it, to walk away from him, but I can't. I can't loose him, I can't..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy came down stairs after making sure that Willow was sleeping soundly on the extra couch that Giles kept upstairs, too tired to want to even think of going home just them, waving off Giles as he started to speak, looking right towards Xander who shifted nervously from one foot to another, hands dug deep into his pockets. Anya and Giles, taking a silent cue, left the pair alone.  
  
She looked at him with a defeated sigh. "I can't believe that you knew and you didn't tell me?"  
  
Xander wanted to laugh but chose to shrug instead, avoiding her eye. He sighed after a moment before looking up at her. "I couldn't, and you know that. You didn't see her Buffy, she was so lost, see felt bad for betraying you, but she needed something to tie her to the world. She was getting back to her normal Willow self, I couldn't take that from her. She needed me."  
  
Buffy was quiet a moment before she broke down, tears starting to flow freely down her cheeks, not able to hold herself up, falling into Xander's waiting arms. "Why him? Soulless and evil, and she chooses him."  
  
Xander guided her to the floor, rocking the strong woman within his comforting arms, silently willing to bring peace to the slayer, while hoping for nothing more than to understand the situation, the turn of events, himself. "As much as I hate him, and trust me, I do hate him, he is capable of more love than anyone I've ever seen. You've seen him love, you've seen the lengths that he went to for his love of Dru. He was willing to let Willow walk away Buffy, I think he loves her, or is close to it."  
  
She balled a fist and thumped it against Xander's chest, no strength left in her powerful limbs. "It's not fair. Why can he love so completely when..." she broke off, unable to finish her thought, racked by her tears.  
  
Xander swallowed hard, as realization dawned upon him, he finally understood the source of the slayer's pains, of her reaction, and silently cursing himself for not knowing it immediately. "When Angel, complete with soul, isn't allowed?" She nodded into his chest, his heart breaking at the love she still carried with her. He closed his eyes, holding her tighter. "I don't know Buffy, and I know that that hurts. Just as I saw Spike love, I've seen the lengths that you went to, that pain that you bore without question, for your love, and I've seen you hurt because of it. But, Buffy, you've gotten you're second chance for love, Riley's great, as much as I hate to admit it... maybe Spike is Willow's, just like Anya's mine." He let out a pained laugh. "What can I say, we all have crazed sources of finding affections." He said as he rubbed her back, resting his chin on her head.  
  
She laughed slightly through her tears, it coming out as a hiccup, as she looked up at one of her first true friends with a grateful smile. "When did you get so smart?" She asked, inhaling deeply and unsteadily.  
  
Xander beamed, pleased that he did good before shrugging, trying to hide his smile. "Well, you know... I fake it."  
  
She sighed looking away. "So, what do we do about Willow? Do we accept it? Condemn it? What?"  
  
He shrugged, inhaling deeply, having asked himself that very same question before. "Well, technically its her call, she never really knew what was happening anyway. But, we do what friends are suppose to, we allow her to go on her path, making her own decisions, guiding her best we can, and, unlike last time, we're there for her if she falls."  
  
She nodded, knowing that he was right. "I know." Sighing, her lips fell into a pout. "But do we REALLY have to? Can't we just stake him and get it over with?"  
  
He shrugged, "Well, just wait. Maybe she'll ask us to do it for her. Only time will tell..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Sighing heavily Buffy went out into the refreshed night air, it holding a cleanness to it that had been lacking within the house. She shook her head when she saw Spike spin towards her, a cigarette held nervously between his lips. Taking it out with an unneeded sigh, he stomped it out before steadying himself. "Well?" He asked, expecting her to stake him, not that he minded in that moment, there was too much going on within his mind to tell for sure what he wanted.  
  
She almost felt like crying again, seeing the curious confusion clouding his features, his emotions that were so close to the surface, yet still so far out of his reach. A sad smile fell over her lips. "Thank you."  
  
Curiosity filled him, his head falling slightly to one side, making him wonder if the slayer had hit her head in there. "What?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. "She's been hurt for so long... thank you for everything you've done for her, for bringing her back to us, for bringing her back alive." Her expression grew serious. "She cares about you, and for Willow that means that she cares with every fibre in her being."  
  
He couldn't help but smile, having figured that one out on his own. "I know."  
  
She nodded. "Good. So, you knows what happens if she hurts."  
  
He rolled his eyes with a sarcastic nod. "Right, I meet, what's his name, Mr. Pointy?"  
  
"Yup, pretty much."  
  
He took a step towards her, jaw clenching. "Well then, it seems you don't have to worry then," he turned, moving along the courtyard. He looked over his shoulder at her, pulling out another cigarette. "I won't be hurting the Witch." With a salute to the confused Slayer he left with a chuckle, not quite knowing what else to do. "Sleep tight Willow, and enjoy your ice cream, it may be the best thing you got now..."  
  
~*~*The End*~*~  
  
Okay so this is it, but what's next? Find out in the sequal. It doesn't have a name yet, nor is it anywhere ready to be posted... but it will be soon enough. Until then... happy Spike/Willow thoughts. 


	18. Where we left off

Authors Note: Its been a while and I know that I promised a sequel... but life kinda got in the way. But, I am back, updating some of my other fics and I re-read this one. And as much as I love dicking with the characters, I just couldn't leave it like that. Why? Because Spike deserves to hear that someone loves him.

Disclaimer: Not mine, but as always, its on my Xmas list.

Second Chance

Chapter 18

One Week Later

She was amazed at how well they got along, Anya and Tara. The pair had been introduced only hours before but already they were closer than it seemed the redhead was with her own best friend. Of course that wasn't saying much lately, it had been a week since the slayer found out about her and Spike, and still, they hadn't talked much. Willow instead spent her days with Giles doing research, finding out from the watcher that Spike had moved out, and her evenings with the new couple Tara and Graham. Sometimes she would hang out with Xander, but since her indescesions had been aired, even their relationship seemed strained.

Only Anya appeared okay with her relationship with the vampire, if it could be called that, Willow doubted it though. She merely supposed that the former demon was merely pleased that the redhead wasn't planning on stealing Xander away from her.

She smiled slightly at the two women beside her. It had been Tara's idea, to get together at the mall for a day of shopping, and Anya, when told, insisted on coming along.

She looked up from her thoughts when Tara gave her a sad smile. "So, any word from Spike?"

Willow's breath caught. She tried not to think of the Vampire, busying herself with work, trying her best to forget the need that was still within her, creeping lower and lower into her very soul. She shrugged, looking at the white floor in front of them. "No, I don't even know where he's living now. He probably doesn't want to see me anyway." She reasoned, trying to get beyond her lust for him, trying to move on.

Anya looked at her. "If it helps, Xander says that he's still helping out. Buffy ran into him a couple times on patrol, they say that he's looking pale, which I don't understand because I mean, he's a vampire." She stopped looking at Tara, wondering if she knew.

Willow smiled. "Its okay, I told her all about the hellmouth. She had a feeling anyway, didn't you?"

Tara smirked shyly. "A witch's inkling anyway. So, h-how are you cooping?"

"Good I guess, I mean, all things considering. I still want him, but I'm whole, mostly. Anyway, enough with me, you two are the ones with the men in your lives, tell me about them…"

Willow sat down heavily, looking around the small apartment that was becoming ever crowded with the ever expanding Scooby group. Buffy, Riley, Graham and Tara were sitting on the couch, the blonde witch taking the position that Spike used to occupy, Anya sitting with Xander in a nearby chair, while Giles was in the other room talking to Olivia on the phone. She was the only one alone in some capacity, and shockingly enough, she was somewhat okay with that. She missed having someone to talk to and hold and touch, but she wasn't dying by being alone, she had friends, and for right then, she guessed that was enough.

Looking at her lap top she gasped, Buffy and Tara immediately looking at the paling redhead.

Buffy swallowed hard. "What is it? Willow? Are you okay?"

Willow, trying to guage her own reaction to the email facing her, looked around the room, her breathing uneasy. "It- its an email from Oz. He wants to know if I'm okay." She looked to Buffy, scared. "What do I tell him? I'm okay aren't I? I mean do I say that I'm okay, just so that he knows that I'm still alive or do I tell him that I was a mess so that he feels really rotten and then I tell him that I'm okay now, or should I tell him the truth that I slept with Spike to get over him and ended up wanting the undead more than I ever did him so that he'll feel disgusted and maybe bad about driving me to that, or should I tell him anything at all? I mean, he left me, he cheated on me… why should I try to make HIM feel better, he didn't give me the same consideration." She paused to inhale deeply when she saw everyone gaping at her, even Gils had his focus away from the phone. "What?"

Xander shook his head, "Are you feeling okay Will?"

She blushed. "I have… frustrations." She admitted, shrinking into her seat slightly.

"Sexual ones," Anya agreed, "I can feel them wafting."

Buffy, with a sympathetic frown moved beside her friend, pushing her hair gently behind her ear. "You miss him?"

Even as Willow shrugged, Xander looked at the pair. "Okay, that's just it, can I ask, what is it about Spike?" After he asked he immediately wished he didn't as all the women present, even Buffy, sighed.

"He is handsome," Tara said with a shy smile. "The eyes and the cheek bones."

"That accent," Anya almost shivered, "Plus the whole, Vampire thing, very dangerous and hot. And the scar… yummy."

Buffy shrugged, smiling at the men's discomfort. "And, I do have to admit, the man can kiss."

Willow's blush grew as a giggle escaped her. "That's not all he can do." She giggled harder when everyone again looked at her. "What? He's 126, he should have the practice."

Xander shivered, looking away, finger pointed at the redhead. "Okay, that's just wrong. Remember, Spike, evil dude, fangs, would still be trying to kill us if soldier boys here hadn't neutered him." He looked at Willow, "He still managed to give you a few nasty bruises if memory serves."

Buffy shot her a look. "What? No one ever said that he hurt you," she grabbed a stake from the table, "I'm gonna kill him."

Willow got in front of her. "Don't. He only hurt me because I had let him. Besides, I haven't talked to him since you caught us." She sat down. "So it doesn't matter anymore. And, its not like I actually liked him or thought that underneath all the fangs and demon eyes there was actually someone worth saving."

"Willow," Riley said, the same fear in Buffy's eyes reflecting in his own, "Please don't tell me… he tried to kill you, he admitted that he still wants Buffy dead. You like him?"

Paling and feeling more lost by the second, Willow looked around. "I don't know… I should go. You have enough help in research, I should do some work of my own. I-I'll see you guys tomorrow." She stood up, moving to her coat when Graham put his hand over hers.

"I'll walk you."

Smiling sweetly at him she shook her head. "No, you got Tara here, stay with her. I'll be fine, the sun's not down yet, no baddies out there." With a final smile she left, holding her bag tightly to her, feeling bad about the book she still had within it, the one she had stolen from Giles to get more information about Spike, the diary the watchers kept. She scoffed lightly it mixing wth the sigh that escaped her. She could write a book of her own about him, maybe she should, and throw it at him just before staking his ass.

Looking around the empty house, wondering when her parents were going to come back, not really caring, now too used to it to be bothered. She threw her book bag on the couch, pausing a moment before pulling out the Watcher's Diary, it opening to the page she wanted automatically from the number of times both she and Giles had read up on Spike in the previous few years, and moving as she red into the kitchen. Setting it on the island she looked in the fridge, finding the only thing in it that appealed to her was beer, but she thought against it, remembering the last time she crossed paths with the liquid. Instead she went to the stove, putting on a kettle of water, intent on having tea before turning back to the diary. She knew it well.

"Spike, also known as William the Bloody, first discovered in 1900 during the Boxer Rebellion where he bested the Slayer. Murder, murder murder," she began as she skimmed the information, "Resurfaced again in 1977 where he again killed the Slayer of the time. He was last seen in Prague and is presumed to be dead." She smiled lightly before sighing. "Lets see, he was Sired in 18-something, by Dru, came to Sunnydale in the 90's where, after losing the love of his unllife and not being able to kill anyone because of a chip, he decides to bed the innocent friend of the Slayer." She looked up when the kettle began to sing.

She moved around the kkitchen, knowing where everything was well enough that her thoughts remained on what she had jst read. As she stirred the tea, sitting back down, she again looked at the diary. "Killed two Slayers. He killed them, and others, so many others. Tried to kill Buffy. If he didn't have the chip," she murmured, repeating the purpose of words spoken by Xander not too long before, "He'd kill all of us as well." She looked back to the book and to the crude sketch of Spike the way he was when he killed his first Slayer, her mind not getting past something she had read only the day before in one of her magic books. "I wonder…"

She sat admist a circle of candles, offerings to the elements and the diary, opened to the picture in front of her. She closed her eyes, centering herself before murmuring aloud her goal.

"Goddess, hear me, allow me the strength to see through the eyes of the past, from the eyes before me, let me watch and feel, become who he was when he was his worse, the horrors that befell his hands. Goddess, please, mote it be."

A breeze surrounded her, blowing out the candles, coming from the eyes in the picture, burning as it went into hers, bringing with it images of such beloved and horrid torturous death that she felt like being sick. In the instances that the relentless flash of images and joy that accompanied it, she wished she hadn't asked to see what Spike really was, everything that he did, and wished he could still do. He really was as bad as the diaries, as Angel, had said. Somewhere, deep down, she had hoped that they had been wrong.

TBC promise!

Please R&R

I have been thinking long and hard about where this story is going... it will get there.


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